Tag Archives: Sexuality

Sexual Intimacy: We Stay Connected to Past Lovers

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Sexual Intimacy: We Stay Connected to Past Lovers

By, Ascellia Arenas

couple problems“Oh, yes, I know ‘so-and-so’…We are just friends… ” the common reply of men and women who have multiple sex partners and don’t want to be cornered in to the “relationship” category for many and varied reasons. The reasons may be that she is financially insecure, he doesn’t like her family, she has issues and baggage from previous failed relationships, the excuses [reasons] go on and on.  The bottom line is this, and ladies and gentlemen take stock in the information I am about to provide here because yes, I am talking to you SPECIFICALLY.  If the man who shares your bed, bathroom, broom closet, backseat of your jeep, couch, or wherever you allow him to hit it and quit it, is not your “MAN”, you should think twice before answering that next “booty text.”  Yes, I said text because, if the guy I mentioned above is contacting you, he most definitely is texting so the real “woman”, can’t hear your conversation!  Vice-versa for women, as well. 

Ladies, “Scientists have discovered that a sizeable minority of women have Y-chromosome gene sequences in their blood. Y-chromosomes are the chromosomes that belong to men.” How do you think they got there?  Hmmmm….
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Some may say that the answer would be from pregnancy with a male son, every woman who has been pregnant still carries cells from her fetus within her bloodstream.  FYI- “cells from pregnancy will reside within the mother’s bloodstream and organs for the rest of her life. Even if the pregnancy was terminated or if there was a miscarriage these said genes would remain with the Mother.” (2015) The name for this condition, it is called microchimerism.  This does not explain the number of women who have never been pregnant nor have given birth to a son. 

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There was a study  conducted by immunologists at the Fred Hutchinson Caner Center in 2004. “In this study they took samples from 120 women who had never had sons. They found that 21% of these women had male DNA. The women were then categorized into 4 groups according to pregnancy history: Group A had only daughters, Group B had one or more miscarriage(s), Group C had induced abortions and Group D had never been pregnant before. The prevalence of male michrochimerism was considerably greater in Group C although it was still present in each group. Group A 8%, Group B 22%, Group C 57% and Group D 10%.” (2015)
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The conclusions of this study lists possible sources of male michrochimerism included, known pregnancies, miscarriages, vanished male twin, or sexual intercourse. So, this proves that through intercourse there is a potential for women to hold onto male genes and DNA within their organs and blood stream for their entire life! Think about that when you hook up with a guy at the club, or find a date off of backpage.com. Your sexual activity, or lack thereof, has a lasting effect on your DNA.

People who follow holistic medicine and who are naturalists, and spiritualists have known this-now scientifically proven fact, for centuries.  They believe that every time you sleep with somebody you are taking on a part of them within you. Not just their spiritual energy but their DNA stays, commingles, and becomes part of you. There is a stronger implication here, “as women [we] are capable of taking on actual physical DNA from the men that we sleep with.” 

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This is an important, eye-opening piece of information to happen upon.

Ineffect, science has put a whole new meaning on sexual intercourse, “it is a very sacred and spiritual act and should be completely regarded as such.” You can not think of sex as just being a physical function similar to eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom.  Reportedly, “many people are misusing sex and have forgotten what it is meant for and how important and consecrated it really is.” Many women have taken the social cues from mainstream media, music and entertainment and have desensitized themselves from the act of sex as, “not a big deal,” or “as a feminist act of freedom” to have indiscriminate sexual encounters and or casual sexual encounters with “friends”  and “associates.” Many men and women are giving away sex somewhat freely because of insecurity, or to please or impress the opposite sex without actually even realizing how irresponsible it is. 

Look at the high rate of unplanned pregnancies, HIV, HPV, chlamydia, and other STI’s, all because, at the time, it was “just sex.”  When we become indiscriminate in our practice of our human sexuality and when we are completely disconnected from ourselves, it doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal.  
Recently, comedian & Oscar winning Actress Mo’Nique and her husband, Sidney Harris, appeared on an episode of the talk show, “The Preachers,” and discussed their ideas about having an open marriage. 

 

click here to watch the clip of Mo’Nique and Sidney discuss open marriage

 
The couple host a podcast , “Mo’Nique & Sidney’s Open Relationship” where they discuss how their 10 year marriage has worked because of their honesty.  

Clearly, many people feel that casual sex and open relationships aren’t really a big deal…Oh, but it is! 

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In agreement with the author, I have always believed, the following sentiment:

“Now, being older and more connected to my spiritual self I realize that sex is not something that is meant to be thrown around and given out so freely, it is a sacred act that creates a bond between two people [who] love and care about each other. It is so important for us (humanity) to realize this. There is a lot of power and amazing potential within this act and it has the complete capability of connecting us with our true selves.”-Alana Ketler (2014)

In our lifetimes we have been faced with many personal sexual dilemmas, we have made fourth quarter decisions that coud have been life altering but because of our arousal, and or care and concern for our partner, we may have allowed the exchange of our spirit and our DNA.  When you lay down with someone you don’t love, you are carrying that negative spirit and you re becoming bound to that person.  In exchange of sweat, saliva, semen, breath, you are giving your sexual partner an intimate piece of you.  Sex is not a recreational activity.  It is sacred and has many physical, mental, and spiritual implications connected to it.  Unless you are willing to share LOVE on that level, keep your pants on and wait for who deserves you.

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Discover More Here:  “Think Twice…”

©2016 Cellibration Publishing

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at cellibration, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. Her books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, are both available at amazon.com.

Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!

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Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!

Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!

By, Celli Arenas

This is the last installment of the Holiday Love Series. I am thankful that I had the ability to write quality pieces about love, relationships, expectations, with scientific research to support all of them; and then, to be able to share all of this on my blog with you, was the best of all. I’m grateful for this talent and I’m more than happy to produce these pieces.

The most popular article in the series was the “Let’s Talk About Sex” piece. So, here we go, “Let’s Talk About Sex…Again!”

IMG_3324Yes, the holidays are about religious celebrations, family, friends, shopping and unfortunately stress. Sometimes we can allow the stress of the season to overshadow the most important reason for celebrating the holidays, love. Love is the basis of all religious celebration. The basic purpose of religion is to teach us the importance of love.

As adults we are able to express one form of love together. Adults experience romantic love in many ways, one of the ways we like the best though, is through sex. When the stress of the season overpowers everything else, we are presented with a sex problem.

 

What’s The “Sex” Problem?

The biggest stress culprits are unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations take a toll on both men and women. Stress affects men and women in different ways. According to my research, “Single women in a relationship may be hoping for that diamond. Mothers are hoping to find the perfect gifts and create perfect family rituals.” Women want perfection. IMG_3278Fantasy of how things “should” be according to the media and consumer driven commercial advertisements about the holidays, can cause women to spiral into depression and thus not want sex or become incapable of orgasm. Women become depressed if they are alone, without a significant other, or without children, especially during the holidays. I have not found convincing evidence that the same pressure for perfection exists for men.

I read this in regard to the female perspective, “Yet, somehow for both single women and married ones, sex plays an important role. And statistics show – based on the number of births in August and September – that holidays are a time for loving and conception.” Apparently, in addition to wanting holiday perfection, women want to get it on! So, men, you might make the lady in your life very happy if you give her a few big “O’s” this holiday, and I don’t mean Oprah.

Romance is Priceless

IMG_3311For partners, set aside some time between now and the New Year to rekindle simple loving moments. Put the kids to bed, and make some time for each other. Date night, a scheduled time in which you prioritize him or her, can make a huge difference. Make the effort to do good things that make you happy and the reasons to be unhappy will drift away.

 

Weird Science

So here’s where the scientific analysis joins the conversation:

IMG_3312According to Psychology Today, a study on singles and sex reveals the following : “if we look at enjoyment – judged by orgasm – a recent analysis of single women and men ages 21 – 65 the results were as follows:
“Mean occurrence rate for experiencing orgasm during sexual activity with a familiar partner was 62.9% among single women and 85.1% among single men for which there was little variation in the mean rate based on sexual orientation. For women, however, mean occurrence rate of orgasm varied significantly by sexual orientation: heterosexual women 61.6%, lesbian women 74.7%, bisexual women 58.0%.”

What does that mean? Basically, men enjoy sex with someone familiar more than women do. Men can achieve orgasm with greater reliability and frequency than women, regardless of orientation. So, in other words, men…we already know you achieve a “happy ending,”
your woman would like to achieve the same. Thank you.

How Do You Give Her The Big O?

1. Set a romantic mood. Create an experience. Clean, comfortable is the usual expectation. Go a little deeper, engage all of her senses. The right lighting, music, scents, tastes (food, drinks,sweets) check these links for specifics

Holiday Love: Boost Your Libido With Tasty Treats

IMG_3405Holiday Love: It’s Scientific: Get Busy!

Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex

Holiday Love : It’s The Little Things

Holiday Love: The Gift of Lingerie

2. Create gratitude lists. You may not have a lot of money to purchase expensive gifts. The thought that you put in to spending time with her is exponentially more valuable. Tell her why you appreciate her presence in your life. You have to say it. Do not assume that she already knows. This applies to women too. We have to tell men what we like, and what we don’t like. YourIMG_3314 wanting to experience things and have nice things does not make you a gold digger or a spoiled brat. You deserve to have a good time and you are worthy of nice things. This is all about communication. Gratitude and appreciation are as significant and important as a purse or new shoes. Your significant other should understand that you love nice things but who you are as a person is much more valuable than anything you can buy at a store. Express that value.

3. FREE GIFT IDEA::: create a love letter expressing your gratitude:: Hand written, on stationary, sealed in an envelope and mail it to him or her through the US Postal Service. Make the effort to write out the reasons you are grateful for the special someone in your life. This gesture is so incredible. What’s usually in the mailbox? Bad news, bills, and junk is usually all that is there. To get a letter from someone you love is amazing. Take the time to create it, especially for those who are experiencing financial difficulty this holiday season, it will be appreciated. Love is free.

According to the experts, “In a study by Dr. Amie Gordon and colleagues, published in “The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,” it was reported that couples who expressed appreciation were more committed, more responsive, and more likely to stay together. The authors noted “These findings provide evidence that gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.”IMG_3328

As we have learned from the past 11 articles, oxytocin is the hormone that helps to create the bond of love, safety, and acceptance. We have to do things to stimulate that hormone, to keep the spark lit and keep us wanting more! Do more. Put out there what you want to receive. It will be worth it!

I hope that you enjoyed my series of articles about holiday love and that your holiday is magnificent. Happy Holidays from my family to yours!

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at http://www.cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. She has also published two books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, both are available at amazon.com.

Follow@sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

References

1. Beth Skwarecki, Is there a season for births?, DoubleX Science: site powered by an IDEA grant from the National Association of Science Writers. February 2013

2. Justin R. Garcia et al., “Variation in Orgasm Occurrence by Sexual Orientation in a Sample of U.S. Singles,” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 11, Issue 11, pages 2645–2652, November 2014

3. Amie M. Gordon et al., “To have and to hold: Gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 103(2), Aug 2012, 257-274

4. Bridging the Love, Sex, and Gratitude Gap , Watson, Psychology Today

Holiday Love: It’s Scientific: Get Busy!

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By Celli Arenas

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Ever wonder why your “boo” has such a powerful hold on you? It’s scientific.
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The human brain releases chemicals into our bodies that have a similar response to eating tons of sugar, drinking coffee, or anything else that is considered “addictive”. Don’t be scared, love is a GOOD drug.
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Lust is the trigger, “This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women.” The first glimmer of love is in initial attraction. The human brain knows within 90 seconds and 4 minutes if there is sexual interest and /or attraction.
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The second stage is attraction. Attraction is a combination of two chemicals released in the brain: adrenaline and dopamine.

Adrenaline
“The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenaline and cortisol.”
This makes your mouth go dry and your heart pump like that booming bass! Talk about warming things up…
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Dopamine
“This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!” Say no to dope. Say yes to love, especially during the Holiday Season.
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The final stage is attachment.
Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together. Scientists project that there are two major hormones involved in creating attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

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Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. Scientists add that oxytocin deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. So, during the holidays get a little closer to the one you love.
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“The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.”

Vasopressin
“Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex.”

Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. So when you hear folks say, “he/she is thirsty”, they are absolutely correct. Keep your honey hydrated this Holiday Season!

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Discover more scientific love facts here. Don’t forget the mistletoe! Happy Holidays ☺️

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

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Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

Follow @sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

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