Tag Archives: Relationships

Girls Trip Will Change Your Whole Entire Life

Standard
Girls Trip Will Change Your Whole Entire Life

Girls Trip…Life Lessons

By, Ascellia M. Arenas
I’m sure after you watched “Girls Trip,” you didn’t think that you would walk away with life lessons that would help you design a path for the rest of your life. The movie starts off with the women living their individual lives, after graduating from college, having settled into their own families, and career paths. It is quite evident that the women are over the age of 40 and have an appreciation for life that women of a particular age do not have, yet. The type of appreciation shown by these ladies doesn’t usually manifest in women until after turning 40 years old, I digress. How does watching “Girls Trip,” change your life? Follow me…

1. Plan a trip/vacation with NO MEN ALLOWED. Sometimes you need to disconnect just to get back to yourself. If men show up along the way…remember who the guest list originally included. Plan a “baecation” for different time. 
2. Eat the cake. You only live once. Stop being so uptight. 

3. Everybody can’t be in VIP. Who said having VIP status to everything you attend actually makes you important? Chill Sis, it’s totally okay to be regular sometimes.

4. If he treats you bad, I’m speaking up. As your friend, I can’t co-sign anybody doing things that are hurtful to you. I’m going to tell you that it’s not cool and ultimately it will be your choice to take action, even if that action is to not speak to me for a little while. 

5. Chemistry is real. There’s a reason why that person makes you feel a certain type of way. Trust your instincts.

6. Puerto Rican Grandmothers are cute. Let them rock their outfits & flavor in peace. Understand your body and what looks good on you. Everything ain’t for everybody. 

7. Grapefruit is good. Grapefruit is great. Just be careful. Everything is good in moderation. Except crack…don’t do the crack. 

8. If you know your friend lives her whole entire life on the wild side, proceed with caution. You can observe, you can even participate a little, just make sure neither one of you ends up in the hospital or jail as a result of shared shenanigans. Be a friend, not a judge & jury.

9. If you go out together, come back together. Everybody is grown, yes…but, at least make the effort to communicate a plan of action. If she catches a big fish, help her pull it in the boat; then go downstairs to the lobby for early breakfast, or a snack, or something…😏✊🏾

10. Fight fair. Trust that your friend is who she says she is. Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes. The real test in relationships is in the ability to adjust your sails and keep going. 

11. Encourage your friends to be who you know they are, all of the time. Reflect back sincere encouragement and support. If your friends aren’t supporting your vision & dreams, especially where your talent is clearly evident/thriving; then, why are you friends? 

12. It’s all fun and games until somebody starts hallucinating. 

13. Make sure to pack a variety of wigs and shades (disguises) because… the internet. 

14. Girls from FAMU have it all…brains, beauty, hustle, loyalty, style, grace & will blow up the spot if somebody gets it twisted. 

“Girls Trip,” starring Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Tiffany Haddish, directed by Malcolm D. Lee and written by Kenya Barris and Tracy Oliver, is in theaters now. The film has broken the myth that black females can’t lead a comedy, that a rated “R” comedy can’t exceed box office goals, while proving that Black Girl Magic IS alive and well. Organize an outing with your girlfriends to go see it to support box office receipts. Then, go back by yourself so that you catch anything you may have missed while you and your crew were literally laughing raucously out loud. Rotten Tomatoes gives the film 89% (a high B+ average), Cinema Scope gave it an A+, box office reports that opening weekend garnered over $30 million dollars in ticket sales. Big congratulations to my classmate, Will Packer, for making his mark in Hollywood and may he experience continued success! 

NO SEX!!!!???? What We Can Learn From Ciara and Russell: PDA’s Might Be Great For Business. 

Standard
NO SEX!!!!???? What We Can Learn From Ciara and Russell: PDA’s Might Be Great For Business. 

 

By,  Ascellia Arenas 

So, I’m sure you’ve been watching the blogs and have seen this beautiful new couple making their rounds and openly discussing their relationship in the media. Recording artist Ciara and Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson have been dating for a good little while and have not been secretive about their admiration for each other. Imagine that! What’s wrong with sharing a little PDA? Some people believe that talking about your “boo thang” will mark the demise of your relationship. My observation is that keeping it a secret and hiding/lying about the situation causes more harm in the long run. Their openness about their relationship has been a GOOD LOOK for both of them in the media lately. They definitely are becoming a true power couple. 

 

Future and Ciara are parents of 14 month old Future

 
Many wondered how “squeaky clean”  openly declared virgin, Ciara would fall for Rapper Future, who has fathered four other children out of wedlock. Ciara kept the details of her relationship with Future pretty quiet in the beginning. Once the duo became expectant parents more details about their relationship surfaced and continued during the tough parts that eventually brought about the end of their relationship. Reports claim that Future  was unfaithful and continuously maintained sexual relationships with multiple women during his time with the Pop Star, Ciara. 

 

Healthy baby Future is all smiles


 

After the pain, Ciara has bounced back with a new album “Jackie”, successful tour, and an impeccable performance at the 2015 BET awards, where she gave an electrifying homage to Janet Jackson who won the Icon Award.  Ciara hasn’t missed a beat. She happily discusses her great relationship with Wilson and he does the same. Recently,  Wilson was a guest on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show and he jokingly shared the details of their first argument. They fought over her support of Tom Brady on Instagram. This happened before they got together, and the squabble wasn’t as serious as I’m sure her beefs with Future were in the past. 

Women and men can  take a tip from what Russell and Ciara have allowed the media to share about their relationship. 
1. Ciara is a single mother, independent, and ambitious beyond finding a “rich man” to finance her life ; yet, she is still feminine, vulnerable, and ladylike. 

2. Russell pursues her, publicly acknowledges her, and praises her value and worth. 

3. This is GOOD publicity for both of them because it shows that a good man will demonstrate that he has good intentions regardless of what a woman’s past is. He will not degrade her by pointing out what he feels she lacks or did wrong. Ciara is moving forward with her life, making strides to improve her career and is allowing herself to be in a healthy relationship with someone who seems to have respect for her (and her son). 

This positively spins their characters and integrity in the media. He is a good guy and she is a good lady. This popularizes the notion that it is okay to have faith, and to seek healthy loving and supportive relationships with someone who respects you. This message is needed in media today more than ever.

Russell , a Christian,  also publicly announced their agreement to save sex until they are married. Who does that in 2015? Apparently they do and are happy with that choice. 

 

Saving sex for marriage and happy about it!

 
We need to see MORE examples of healthy relationships like theirs in the media. 

Perhaps we can change the “baby mama”, “baby daddy”, “single forever”, “selfish” and totally materialistic vibe that is so celebrated in media today. 


About the blogger

Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. Her books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, are both available at amazon.com.

Follow@sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

Gabrielle Union Says, “We Want Pre-Nups! ” (in her Kanye voice)

Standard
Gabrielle Union Says, “We Want Pre-Nups! ” (in her Kanye voice)

We Want Pre-Nups!

By, Celli Arenas

Photo Credit : Google Images

Photo Credit : Google Images

Gabrielle Union is my girl! She is promoting the new season of “Being Mary Jane,” one of my favorite TV shows. I love Mara Brock Akil ; her skill as a writer, her story lines, her creative vision, is EVERYTHING! Her stories are so engaging.

Our girl Gabby is her own woman, much like the character she plays on the show. Gabrielle has this to say about her union with Dwayne Wade , of the  Miami Heat, and why she requested a pre-nup:
“For women in Hollywood, when they’re coupling, everything is about the brand. Everything is about latching on to a rising star, so you can kick your heels up. That’s never been my story, ever. I make sure to let people know all of the hard work that’s gone into my career. I want people to know the work that it took to get through UCLA, that I had student loans and worked. I was eating Top Ramen and lived well below my means. Now that it’s time to get married to a man who happens to play basketball and has done well for himself, I want to make it clear that I have in no way hitched my wagon to his star. I have my own wagon and star.” 

I feel you on that one Gabrielle, (((yelling “WE WANT PRE-NUPS” in my Kanye voice))) 🙂

Discover more at: Madame Noire

images-2

Season 2 of Being Mary Jane Premieres on February 3, 2015 on BET @ 10P/9C

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at http://www.cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. Her books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel,  are both available at amazon.com.

Follow@sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

Is it “Real” Love?

Standard
Is it “Real” Love?

Is it “Real” Love?

By, Celli Arenas

Wondering if it is love or just lust? Well, there are 11 indicators developed by John Gottman that use a behavioral approach to determine if it is real or as fake as NeNe Leake’s He-Man Wig.Nene Leakes

Test these outward signs of human behavior to determine if your baby loves you, or not.

1.Wants to spend time with you-Face it, “someone who truly cares about you will use whatever time is left over to have some alone time together.” Nobody is too busy to give or receive love.

spending time

2. Asks about your day-Your loved one wants to know how you feel, “couples build their love for each other not necessarily on the ethereal, but on the practical supports that keep communication routes open.”

looking at each other

3. Trusts you- Partners who truly care about each other will be reasonable. You can’t be with someone 24/7.  Things come up.  Your partner may work with or spend a lot of time with a member of the opposite sex.  You must feel at peace knowing that your partner is trustworthy and trusts you too.

Trust

4. Helps you when you need it- Bottom line, “as busy as we all get, adding extra chores or duties to your day may be the last thing you feel like doing.” If he or she loves you, they will make a sacrifice from time to time.

Beach

5. Shows respect for your views-Current research on complimentary relationships says,” it’s possible for you and your partner to be on completely opposite poles of the political spectrum and still remain happy together for years.” The key is not what your beliefs are but, how open you can be to accepting your partner’s perspective as well. Agree to disagree and get busy.

images-1

6.  Shows affection-Couples don’t have to engage in frequent sex, or even any sex at all, to be emotionally intimate. However,physical contact with your partner, even if you are lightly touching his or her arm,  shows some connection to you.

imgres

7.  Looks at you-The nonverbal cues that partners share with each other reveal their deeper feelings. Your partner will look at you if they like what they see!  Even if the two of you don’t look into each other’s eyes; even a quick glance can be enough to send positive, love-confirming, vibes.

images-2

Want to learn more about it?  Check out the rest of the article “here

In order to have love you must show love.  See if you are giving your partner something he can feel!

xoxo

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at http://www.cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. She has also published two books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, both are available at amazon.com.

Follow@sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

Holiday Love: 50 Great Gift Ideas For The Lady In Your Life

Standard
Holiday Love: 50 Great Gift Ideas For The Lady In Your Life

By Celli Arenas

If you really love her, if you can’t see her or you with anybody else, go for it, & do it now! The holidays are the perfect time to propose. Remember, the greatest gift in the world is love; it’s priceless, but rings are not…Get her a ring that she will truly appreciate. Check out some beautiful sparklers here.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

So, okay…you’re too chicken to take that leap of faith and make a commitment. Fine, hold on a little longer, observe her, get to know her, grow to accept her family as being a part of her, but position yourself in her life so that her bond with you is even stronger.

Here are some safer gift ideas for the lady you like (but aren’t ready to marry, yet). These gifts may keep her around for a little while longer while you try to figure things out.

1. Tickets to a show, Cirque Du Soleil is in Miami this holiday season.

Cirque Du Soleil Amaluna

Cirque Du Soleil Amaluna

2. A magazine subscription is a great gift that lasts all year. Women love magazines.

3. Beats by Dre Headphones in her favorite color. Cute!

Beats by Dre

Beats by Dre

4. Specialty playing cards, for your gambling girl.

5. A best-selling book, like “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” (hint, hint)

6. A movie and dinner at a dinner theater. Check your local theaters to see if there is one in your part of town.
www.amctheatres.com/

7. Kindle Fire or iPad and a download of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me“. Excellent gift!

Kindle

8. A gift basket with her favorite wine, cheese, and crackers.

Hickory Farm Gift Basket

Hickory Farm Gift Basket

.

9. Tickets to a Miami Heat Game. (hello…anybody here?)

10. A set of DVD‘s themed around her favorite actor, director or film era. (John Hughes, 80’s movies: Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Weird Science, The Breakfast Club).

11. A bottle of wine and a new board game. Notice that wine is mentioned here, a lot. Can’t go wrong with wine!

Red wine

Red wine

12. Egyptian Cotton pajamas…because flannel is for your grandma.

13. Silk robe …because flannel is for your grandma.

14. Custom ordered monogrammed stationery, because she is fancy and you like that about her.

15. A Spa Day at a luxury spa (no strip mall deals).  Strip mall salons/spas are fine for routine maintenance, but it is the holiday season.  Step your game up!

Mandarin Oriental

Mandarin Oriental Spa Miami

16. A monogrammed set of sheets, bath sheets, hand towels, socks, etc. Anything with HER initials on it, will let her know that you put forth effort to get her something unique.

17. A designer clutch. Smaller versions of designer bags are usually less expensive and  more affordable.

18. A Gift Card to Bloomingdales or Nordstrom’s. She may catch a great sale!

19. A set of deluxe makeup brushes. Sephora has lots of great gifts for your lady friend(s) [players with multiple babes].

Deluxe Makeup Brush Set

Deluxe Makeup Brush Set

20. A monogrammed makeup bag. Again, her initials, her territory! She likes that.

21. A hair makeover (new style, length, texture, color). Spice things up with a “new thing.”

22. A boudoir photo session with an experienced photographer. Ultimate sexy gift for the both of you.

IMG_3467

23. Precious stone jewelry. Not a diamond, yet…but getting closer!

24. A candle…because candles are sexy.

Blue Sage Boutique

Blue Sage Boutique

25. All-natural soaps. I love patchouli soap by Zum Bar. What an aphrodisiac!

Zum Bar Soap

Zum Bar Soap

26. Holistic beauty treatments such as bath salts and scented astringents, body washes.

Blue Sage Boutique

Blue Sage Boutique

27. A crystal vase. Fill it with flowers too, by the way.

Crystal Vase

Crystal Vase

28. A throw for the couch…for when you are “watching a movie.”

Faux Fur Throw

Faux Fur Throw

29. A crafted personal project: photo album or scrapbook. Cute idea for your first Holiday, (after one year).

30. Assorted jars of olives, pickles, jams and marmalades. I’m reaching…I know. I hope she doesn’t throw them at you, lol. Get her this if she is over 30 years old, and knows the value of good olives.

31. Her favorite cake or pastry. Again, I hope she doesn’t throw it at you! Get her this if you’ve been dating for a short period of time, like a week.

Cakes

Cakes

32. Dance lessons: introductory ballroom, salsa or flamenco dance class, (twerk & pole dancing count too)…I’m just saying…

33. Nice workout gear. Matching joggers with great athletic shoes, this is an awesome gift! If she doesn’t work out regularly, don’t try it. You might not last for New Years.

Workout Gear

Workout Gear

34. A flight bag, camera case or classy travel kit monogrammed with her initials! Put her name on anything and you WIN! Oh yeah, take her somewhere where she can use it, and you win. Travel wins…FYI.

35. A class in something she’s interested in learning more about ( real estate, cosmetology, insurance, bond surety).  If you help a woman discover an opportunity that will improve the quality of her life, she will know that she matters to you.  That’s important.

36. A session with a personal trainer, Pilates instructor, reflexologist or nutritionist. Help her achieve the goals she set for herself. Don’t try to CHANGE her into someone else. Support her by listening to what she wants to do for herself with her own life and support that.  Don’t try to recreate her into what you think is a “better” person.  That’s rude.

37. A hot new gadget. Go to Radio Shack or shop at amazon to discover the latest in tech gear. Grab her something innovative.

38. Gardening tools, a flowering plant or a gift certificate to her local gardening center. Just please, avoid buying her a hoe (for obvious reasons).

39. Vintage perfume tray, with a perfume atomizer. Very nice gift, especially when paired with a new fragrance.

perfume tray

perfume tray

40. A matching accessories set like a matching hat and scarf, and sunglasses.  A nice gift for seasonal locations.  Her gift must be useful.

amazon shop

amazon shop

41. A Keurig machine with gourmet coffee, for when you are still around in the morning for breakfast.

42. Sushi-making supplies; and FRESH ingredients to make some sushi magic with.

43. A fabulous bottle of champagne, Perrier-Jouët is my favorite.  She may or may not have a favorite, so trust me on this one.

44. Dinner to a five-star restaurant: Prime 112, is a beautiful restaurant nestled on a quiet corner on South Beach in Miami, Florida. An after dinner stroll down Collins, makes for a fantastic shared experience. Am I recommending that you take her on a trip to Miami.  Yes, take her somewhere…sheesh!

45. Luxe table linens, napkin rings and place card holders, for your first dinner that you host together.

46. Godiva chocolates…enough said.

47. Caviar, foie gras and brie, just because she may not have ever had her own.

48. A deluxe picnic basket. Make use of it too! Fill it with dinner and make her gift a surprise event.

49. A custom crafted recipe book with recipes of meals you’ve shared together. Show her that you remember the little things.

50. An Ugly Christmas Sweater. Then surprise her by gathering a few friends who are also wearing Ugly Christmas Sweaters at your very own Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

The holidays are special, let her know that you think she is too. Don’t just say, “have a happy holiday season,” make it happen.

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

IMG_2956.JPG

Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

Follow @sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

IMG_3291IMG_3290

Holiday Love: Boost Your Libido With Tasty Treats

Standard
Holiday Love: Boost Your Libido With Tasty Treats

By, Celli Arenas

Food, glorious food. Imagine this scene, it’s so cold outside, you are alone with your favorite somebody and you have lots of time to relax and unwind. You need a few snacks to get your private party started, right? Well, here is a list of treats that will make your time together a “sure thing”. Get your favorite serving platter out and put on your thong because there’s going to be some holiday jollies going on!

The holiday menu for a fun sleigh ride goes a little something like this:

Black Raspberries

IMG_3601.JPG
(photo credit)
The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. “This phytochemical-rich food enhances both libido and sexual endurance,” say Drs. Anna Maria and Brian Clement, authors of 7 Keys to Lifelong Sexual Vitality and directors of Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, Florida.

The prescription for love is as follows, “Consume 10 black raspberries or a tablespoon of seeds a few hours before getting busy.” Think of it as a power booster.

Cloves

IMG_3596.JPG
(photo credit)
I love a great cup of Chai and let me tell you why. Cloves. Cloves are a “sex superfood”. “They [are] versatile when it comes to cooking: it can be brewed in hot apple cider, infused in your favorite exotic dish, or added to a chai tea latte.” Such a powerful spice and it has awesome benefits. “In India, cloves have been used to treat male sexual dysfunction for centuries.” Another added benefit, “Cloves are also used to rid bad breath, which can’t hurt your kissing skills either,” says Glassman. Nothing like kissing your spicy sweetheart with fresh breath.

Figs

IMG_3597.JPG
(photo credit)
These sweet treats make you irresistible. Figs will get your libidos pumped like teenagers in the backseat of a Jeep on a Friday night! They are so yummy, “[they are] considered excellent stimulants of fertility and enhance the secretion of pheromones,” say Dr. Clement. The doctor prescribes, “feast on up to five figs before getting it on and find out for yourself.” Figs are pretty, festive, and will definitely brighten up your holiday tray.

Watermelon

IMG_3595.JPG
(photo credit)
Beyoncé sang a song about it and researchers at the University of Guelph agree, “if you’re really looking for a sweet libido-booster, stick to a slice of watermelon.” As much as I love chocolate, it appears that watermelon packs more bang-bang-boom: “watermelon is 92 percent water, but the remaining 8 percent of fruit is jam-packed with vital nutrients for sexual health.”

Check this out: “researchers at the Texas A&M Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center reported finding in 2008 that watermelon has ingredients that delivered Viagra-like effects to the human body’s blood vessels and could even aid in increasing libido.” So, when Beyonce sings that “she’s been drankin’ watermelon,” imagine that she is doing it for scientific purposes.

Also, “Watermelon contains a phytonutrient called citrulline, which the body converts to arginine, an amino acid that boosts nitric oxide levels in the body, which relax blood vessels in the same way a medicine like Viagra does,” says Dr. Clement. Hey, a doctor recommended it. I am offering you a second opinion. Try it, you’ll like it.

Honey

IMG_3598.JPG
I love it, honey is one of my favorite things. Honey has medicinal purposes as well as libido enhancing properties. Reportedly, “honey extracted from aphrodisiac flowers like jasmine and orchid can increase the potency in a man. The wonderful sweetness of honey in bed also takes its place in guides like the Kamasutra.”

If you are looking for that “staying power,” honey can do the trick.
Dr.’s prescription: “two spoons of honey are enough to keep you going all night long.”

There are some great food choices to boost your libido here.

Learn more about honey…honey.

Red Wine

IMG_3599.JPG
(photo credit)
Wine and dine her. The payoff is incredible. So, the good news is this, “women who drink between one and two glasses of plonk a day have a higher sex drive than those who drink less.” Red, red, wine…come close to me! But wait, there’s scientific evidence to support the vino sip, “A study of 800 women aged 18-50 by the University of Florence compared the results to the Female Sexual Function Index, an extensive survey of sexual arousal and satisfaction in women. They found that red wine drinkers scored 27.3 out of a maximum of 36, compared to 25.9 for less-frequent cork poppers and a chaste 24.4 for teetotallers.” So if she don’t sip that wine, she might not like to grind…too much? Ok,sorry.
More wino info/benefits here

Chocolate

IMG_3600.JPG
(photo credit)
Yes, chocolate is on the list! Chocolate will never be stricken from any list that I produce. It has remained for good reason too. Peep this, “eating chocolate leads to higher levels of desire, arousal, and sexual satisfaction, according to a study from an Italian university reported in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.” I rely heavily on scientific research, you see.
Also, the studies revealed the following, “female participants who consumed at least one cube of chocolate a day experienced more active libidos and better overall sexual function than those who didn’t indulge.” See, all those chocolate loving ladies can’t be wrong! So, stomp your feet and say it loud like Randy Watson, “Sexual Chocolate”…”thank you, good night.”

Enjoy your list of holiday treats that boost the libido. Eat up buttercups, happy holidays!

IMG_3602.JPG

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

IMG_2956.JPG

Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

Follow @sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

IMG_3291.PNG

IMG_3290.PNG

Holiday Love : Emotionally Unavailable + Intimacy Phobic = Cold Pressed

Standard
Holiday Love : Emotionally Unavailable + Intimacy Phobic = Cold Pressed

By, Celli Arenas

Today I read that there weren’t many articles out there about emotional unavailability and intimacy phobias. I’m not one to resist a challenge, so here we go…ho, ho, ho (no pun intended).

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable? How do you know if your sweetie is blowing you off or is really, truly, extremely busy?

IMG_3551.JPG
Photo Credit

The red flags are waving: need some clues? Consider this: he’s evasive and makes too many excuses. She is inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationships, childish even. He uses anger, criticizes you, and uses activities to create distance between you. Energy and vibes don’t lie, people do. If you continue to accept excuses from him/ her you will end up feeling rejected, depressed, and unimportant. Please excuse yourself from that pitiful party and shake it off. It is holiday time, and that means holiday love! Don’t be glum, just do some reflection.

According to expert, Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, “There are several types of unavailability, both temporary and chronic. Some people have always been unavailable due to mental illness or a troubled childhood. Others temporarily make something a higher priority than a relationship, such as a family obligation, education, project, or a health concern.” Be careful about becoming complacent with being last on the list all of the time.

IMG_3547.JPG
Photo Credit

Failed Relationship Trauma

“People recently divorced or widowed may temporarily not be ready to get involved with someone new. In the middle are those who are too afraid to risk falling in love because they’ve been hurt by one or more relationships, which may include being hurt by a parent when they were a child.” Childhood issues manifest into adult problems. Often times, we overcompensate for those issues or we withdraw. Either way, until we learn to cope effectively, intimacy and availability will be disrupted.

“Often these different reasons for unavailability overlap, and it’s difficult to ascertain whether the problem is chronic or will pass.” It becomes a plague to the relationship. Growth is significantly hindered and frustration replaces effective communication.

IMG_3548.JPG
Photo Credit

Signs of Emotional Unavailability

1. Flattery-“Men who are too flattering may also be adept listeners and communicators, like snake charmers. Often good at short-term intimacy.” One or two night stand, at best.

2. Control– “Someone who won’t be inconvenienced to modify his or her routine.” It’s all about her! Her schedule, her plan, her time, her event, her place, her suggestions. Selfish, there is no room at the Inn.

3. Listen– “Your date may hint or even admit that he or she isn’t good at relationships or doesn’t believe in or isn’t ready for marriage.” This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system. He/She IS NOT TRYING TO BE WITH YOU!!! Slide…yes, hook up…yes, hang out once in a blue moon…yes. Marry YOU…nope.

4. The past
“Find out if the person has had a long-term relationship and why it ended. You may learn that prior relationships ended at the stage when intimacy normally develops.” The proof is in the back story. If all relationships come to a screeching halt, buckle up! You’re next.

5. Perfection seekers- “These people look for and find a fatal flaw in the opposite sex and then move on. The problem is that they’re scared of intimacy.” You may hear excuses of physical imperfections (her body, his nose, her skin color, his/her hair or lack there of) ; financial woes (he/she is broke) and even worse, the problem could be that everything is too perfect! In any case, these people are never satisfied.

IMG_3550.JPG
Photo Credit

Reflection

Are you emotionally available? Are you commitment phobic? Ask yourself some of Lancer’s questions.

Q. Are you angry at the opposite sex? Do you like jokes at their expense?
A. If so, you may need to heal from past wounds before you’re comfortable getting close to someone.
Q. Do you make excuses to avoid getting together?
A. I think you get the hint.

Q. Do you think you’re so independent you don’t need anyone?
A. Seriously?

Q. Do you fear falling in love because you may get hurt?
A. I think we know where this road leads.

IMG_3549.JPG
Photo Credit

The holidays are a reflective time, especially with the new year approaching. Embrace the possibility of being emotionally available and intimate with someone, have something real. The gift of love pays off year round, not just for a few days in December.

IMG_3552.JPG

Discover more here:
Lancer, D. (2012). How to Spot Emotional Unavailability. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-emotional-unavailability/00012770

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

IMG_2956.JPG

Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

Follow @sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

IMG_3291.PNG

IMG_3290.PNG