Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!
By, Celli Arenas
This is the last installment of the Holiday Love Series. I am thankful that I had the ability to write quality pieces about love, relationships, expectations, with scientific research to support all of them; and then, to be able to share all of this on my blog with you, was the best of all. I’m grateful for this talent and I’m more than happy to produce these pieces.
The most popular article in the series was the “Let’s Talk About Sex” piece. So, here we go, “Let’s Talk About Sex…Again!”
Yes, the holidays are about religious celebrations, family, friends, shopping and unfortunately stress. Sometimes we can allow the stress of the season to overshadow the most important reason for celebrating the holidays, love. Love is the basis of all religious celebration. The basic purpose of religion is to teach us the importance of love.
As adults we are able to express one form of love together. Adults experience romantic love in many ways, one of the ways we like the best though, is through sex. When the stress of the season overpowers everything else, we are presented with a sex problem.
What’s The “Sex” Problem?
The biggest stress culprits are unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations take a toll on both men and women. Stress affects men and women in different ways. According to my research, “Single women in a relationship may be hoping for that diamond. Mothers are hoping to find the perfect gifts and create perfect family rituals.” Women want perfection. Fantasy of how things “should” be according to the media and consumer driven commercial advertisements about the holidays, can cause women to spiral into depression and thus not want sex or become incapable of orgasm. Women become depressed if they are alone, without a significant other, or without children, especially during the holidays. I have not found convincing evidence that the same pressure for perfection exists for men.
I read this in regard to the female perspective, “Yet, somehow for both single women and married ones, sex plays an important role. And statistics show – based on the number of births in August and September – that holidays are a time for loving and conception.” Apparently, in addition to wanting holiday perfection, women want to get it on! So, men, you might make the lady in your life very happy if you give her a few big “O’s” this holiday, and I don’t mean Oprah.
Romance is Priceless
For partners, set aside some time between now and the New Year to rekindle simple loving moments. Put the kids to bed, and make some time for each other. Date night, a scheduled time in which you prioritize him or her, can make a huge difference. Make the effort to do good things that make you happy and the reasons to be unhappy will drift away.
So here’s where the scientific analysis joins the conversation:
According to Psychology Today, a study on singles and sex reveals the following : “if we look at enjoyment – judged by orgasm – a recent analysis of single women and men ages 21 – 65 the results were as follows:
“Mean occurrence rate for experiencing orgasm during sexual activity with a familiar partner was 62.9% among single women and 85.1% among single men for which there was little variation in the mean rate based on sexual orientation. For women, however, mean occurrence rate of orgasm varied significantly by sexual orientation: heterosexual women 61.6%, lesbian women 74.7%, bisexual women 58.0%.”
What does that mean? Basically, men enjoy sex with someone familiar more than women do. Men can achieve orgasm with greater reliability and frequency than women, regardless of orientation. So, in other words, men…we already know you achieve a “happy ending,”
your woman would like to achieve the same. Thank you.
How Do You Give Her The Big O?
1. Set a romantic mood. Create an experience. Clean, comfortable is the usual expectation. Go a little deeper, engage all of her senses. The right lighting, music, scents, tastes (food, drinks,sweets) check these links for specifics
2. Create gratitude lists. You may not have a lot of money to purchase expensive gifts. The thought that you put in to spending time with her is exponentially more valuable. Tell her why you appreciate her presence in your life. You have to say it. Do not assume that she already knows. This applies to women too. We have to tell men what we like, and what we don’t like. Your wanting to experience things and have nice things does not make you a gold digger or a spoiled brat. You deserve to have a good time and you are worthy of nice things. This is all about communication. Gratitude and appreciation are as significant and important as a purse or new shoes. Your significant other should understand that you love nice things but who you are as a person is much more valuable than anything you can buy at a store. Express that value.
3. FREE GIFT IDEA::: create a love letter expressing your gratitude:: Hand written, on stationary, sealed in an envelope and mail it to him or her through the US Postal Service. Make the effort to write out the reasons you are grateful for the special someone in your life. This gesture is so incredible. What’s usually in the mailbox? Bad news, bills, and junk is usually all that is there. To get a letter from someone you love is amazing. Take the time to create it, especially for those who are experiencing financial difficulty this holiday season, it will be appreciated. Love is free.
According to the experts, “In a study by Dr. Amie Gordon and colleagues, published in “The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,” it was reported that couples who expressed appreciation were more committed, more responsive, and more likely to stay together. The authors noted “These findings provide evidence that gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.”
As we have learned from the past 11 articles, oxytocin is the hormone that helps to create the bond of love, safety, and acceptance. We have to do things to stimulate that hormone, to keep the spark lit and keep us wanting more! Do more. Put out there what you want to receive. It will be worth it!
I hope that you enjoyed my series of articles about holiday love and that your holiday is magnificent. Happy Holidays from my family to yours!
Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at http://www.cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. She has also published two books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, both are available at amazon.com.
1. Beth Skwarecki, Is there a season for births?, DoubleX Science: site powered by an IDEA grant from the National Association of Science Writers. February 2013
2. Justin R. Garcia et al., “Variation in Orgasm Occurrence by Sexual Orientation in a Sample of U.S. Singles,” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 11, Issue 11, pages 2645–2652, November 2014
3. Amie M. Gordon et al., “To have and to hold: Gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 103(2), Aug 2012, 257-274
4. Bridging the Love, Sex, and Gratitude Gap , Watson, Psychology Today