Tag Archives: Men

Did You Know?

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What is Domestic Violence? 

by, Ascellia Arenas

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let’s talk about it. The problem is real. We can’t ignore it, make jokes about it, or continue to blame, shame and humiliate the victims. Victims of DV are all around us but they are shrouded in secrecy. It’s time to shed some light and make it STOP.  
According to the US Department of Justice, the definition of Domestic Violence is as follows, “We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.”  
  
The perception that Domestic Violence (DV) only happens to a “certain” type of woman is the main reason why this problem persists. DV can happen and does happen regardless of situational circumstances, ” Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.”

Domestic Violence (DV) has a far reaching effect that impacts the lives of the victims, their children, and the community, as well. Children who are exposed to DV are more likely to have social development issues than those who are not. The Department of Justice informs, “Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life – therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society’s next generation of victims and abusers.”

My first experience with DV happened when I was a teenager. I knew what happened to me was wrong and I felt the need to protect myself and fight back. Imagine me 5’5 and 115 pounds thinking I could defend myself against a young man probably 3times my size. I tried it though, I wasn’t going to let anybody put hands on me! I would push back, fight back, earn my respect, or so I thought. I was not aware, as I am now, that I was being  abused. 

I continued in that cycle of abusive relationships well in to my adulthood. Defending myself, arguing, cursing, fighting back when boys in my life wanted to control me. Then, when DV reared its ugly head in my marriage, I continued to “fight for my respect” and those episodes of violence persisted until I decided to get help and consequently walk away from that unhealthy relationship. My children witnessed DV: it has impacted their lives tremendously. 

The  consequent divorce impacted all of our lives significantly for many years after. I lost everything I worked for. I spent years in court fighting for my rights, my safety (& my children’s safety), and for a better life. 

I want women and men to learn what DV is, how it affects others, and what they can do to prevent it from reoccurring. 

We can change only if we desire to be better. 

 Learn more from The Department of Justice 

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. Her books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel,  are both available at Amazon.

Holiday Love: It’s Scientific: Get Busy!

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By Celli Arenas

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Ever wonder why your “boo” has such a powerful hold on you? It’s scientific.
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The human brain releases chemicals into our bodies that have a similar response to eating tons of sugar, drinking coffee, or anything else that is considered “addictive”. Don’t be scared, love is a GOOD drug.
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Lust is the trigger, “This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women.” The first glimmer of love is in initial attraction. The human brain knows within 90 seconds and 4 minutes if there is sexual interest and /or attraction.
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The second stage is attraction. Attraction is a combination of two chemicals released in the brain: adrenaline and dopamine.

Adrenaline
“The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenaline and cortisol.”
This makes your mouth go dry and your heart pump like that booming bass! Talk about warming things up…
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Dopamine
“This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!” Say no to dope. Say yes to love, especially during the Holiday Season.
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The final stage is attachment.
Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together. Scientists project that there are two major hormones involved in creating attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

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Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. Scientists add that oxytocin deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. So, during the holidays get a little closer to the one you love.
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“The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.”

Vasopressin
“Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex.”

Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. So when you hear folks say, “he/she is thirsty”, they are absolutely correct. Keep your honey hydrated this Holiday Season!

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Discover more scientific love facts here. Don’t forget the mistletoe! Happy Holidays ☺️

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

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Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

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Holiday Love : Problems & Solutions

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Holiday Love : Problems & Solutions

by,
Celli Arenas

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Holidays = Relationship Stress. If things are going well, your partner is probably right there with you and you have found the solution. Everybody is HAPPY! If things are not going well, you are probably spending the holidays alone. Nobody wants that! Here’s a quick guide to help you recognize the problems and find some solutions.

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1. The problem: Your partner never feels appreciated.
The solution: Go out of your way to say thank you.

Some of us aren’t great at accepting love gracefully. In other words, your partner may not understand your love language. “Many people have a hard time accepting gifts, compliments, even love. If you (your partner) have negative reactions to receiving, allowing yourself to accept the things from loved ones can be a difficult task,” says Barton Goldsmith, PhD, the author of Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship.

Find a way to say “thank you” every day. Truly let your partner know that you acknowledge their presence and contribution to your life and that you are thankful. Buy a nice gift, write a heartfelt note, be present during the holidays. Your presence is a gift.

5 Ways To Save Your Relationship From Holiday Stress

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2. Problem: He doesn’t like the way he’s being treated.
Solution: Spend time, every day nurturing your relationship.

“Oftentimes, a man cheats because he doesn’t like the dynamic in his current relationship. If he feels like his partner nags him, belittles him, disrespects him, and/or treats him like a child, meeting someone new who treats him with respect, admiration, and desire will feel incredibly appealing.”
Don’t make it so easy for the clean-up woman to sweep your love away.

“So what does this have to do with the holidays? With the added stress of that long to-do list, some women may be unconsciously treating their men like they’re yet another thing they have to cross off their list, but they just don’t have time for.” Would you want to be 2nd, 3rd, or 4th on his list? Honestly, no one wants to be treated that way.

“To avoid driving your partner away, spend time every day nurturing your relationship. And not just during the holiday season. All year long, let your partner know how much you love and appreciate him. Ask for the same in return.” Mama taught you the golden rule; treat others how you want to be treated.

“By being treated the way you want to be treated and ultimately treating your partner with love and respect, you take an important step in affair-proofing your relationship.”

Make him think twice about losing you.

Why Men Cheat During The Holidays

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3. Problem: He feels ignored.
Solution: It is important to maintain open lines of communication.

Men are like you, they crave attention too. “Like it or not, men are wired differently than women. It’s that whole Mars/Venus thing. So when a woman’s attention is diverted by holiday shopping, decorating the home, and/or dealing with party planning and family visits, a man can feel completely ignored and unappreciated.” They won’t readily admit it ; but, they need to feel wanted and appreciated too.

“Asking to have his needs met can make a man feel weak. Instead of summoning his inner strength and asking for love, attention, and/or validation from his partner, a man is much more comfortable seeking these things from another woman.” Pay attention to his signs. If he is dropping hints, catch them!

The side-piece can easily slide into position, “At first, this new woman may only be an emotional confidante. However, over time, this female friend may stir up other needs. That’s when a man is likely to initiate physical intimacy.” She gives him what you don’t or maybe even won’t.

“To avoid this danger zone, it’s important to maintain open lines of communication between you and your partner. If and when these feelings of dissatisfaction or hurt surface (during the holidays or any time of year), your man should feel free to discuss them with you, thus eliminating his need for outside emotional companionship.”
Be there and be willing to listen. None of us are perfect. If he cares enough to communicate you should provide a listening ear. Better yours than hers!

Why Men Cheat During The Holidays

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Don’t wait until you have to spend the holidays all alone. Take time to recognize how you play a role in how you are treated. Be proactive and have a happy holiday season.

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Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

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