Tag Archives: Happy Holidays

Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!

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Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!

Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex, Again!

By, Celli Arenas

This is the last installment of the Holiday Love Series. I am thankful that I had the ability to write quality pieces about love, relationships, expectations, with scientific research to support all of them; and then, to be able to share all of this on my blog with you, was the best of all. I’m grateful for this talent and I’m more than happy to produce these pieces.

The most popular article in the series was the “Let’s Talk About Sex” piece. So, here we go, “Let’s Talk About Sex…Again!”

IMG_3324Yes, the holidays are about religious celebrations, family, friends, shopping and unfortunately stress. Sometimes we can allow the stress of the season to overshadow the most important reason for celebrating the holidays, love. Love is the basis of all religious celebration. The basic purpose of religion is to teach us the importance of love.

As adults we are able to express one form of love together. Adults experience romantic love in many ways, one of the ways we like the best though, is through sex. When the stress of the season overpowers everything else, we are presented with a sex problem.

 

What’s The “Sex” Problem?

The biggest stress culprits are unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations take a toll on both men and women. Stress affects men and women in different ways. According to my research, “Single women in a relationship may be hoping for that diamond. Mothers are hoping to find the perfect gifts and create perfect family rituals.” Women want perfection. IMG_3278Fantasy of how things “should” be according to the media and consumer driven commercial advertisements about the holidays, can cause women to spiral into depression and thus not want sex or become incapable of orgasm. Women become depressed if they are alone, without a significant other, or without children, especially during the holidays. I have not found convincing evidence that the same pressure for perfection exists for men.

I read this in regard to the female perspective, “Yet, somehow for both single women and married ones, sex plays an important role. And statistics show – based on the number of births in August and September – that holidays are a time for loving and conception.” Apparently, in addition to wanting holiday perfection, women want to get it on! So, men, you might make the lady in your life very happy if you give her a few big “O’s” this holiday, and I don’t mean Oprah.

Romance is Priceless

IMG_3311For partners, set aside some time between now and the New Year to rekindle simple loving moments. Put the kids to bed, and make some time for each other. Date night, a scheduled time in which you prioritize him or her, can make a huge difference. Make the effort to do good things that make you happy and the reasons to be unhappy will drift away.

 

Weird Science

So here’s where the scientific analysis joins the conversation:

IMG_3312According to Psychology Today, a study on singles and sex reveals the following : “if we look at enjoyment – judged by orgasm – a recent analysis of single women and men ages 21 – 65 the results were as follows:
“Mean occurrence rate for experiencing orgasm during sexual activity with a familiar partner was 62.9% among single women and 85.1% among single men for which there was little variation in the mean rate based on sexual orientation. For women, however, mean occurrence rate of orgasm varied significantly by sexual orientation: heterosexual women 61.6%, lesbian women 74.7%, bisexual women 58.0%.”

What does that mean? Basically, men enjoy sex with someone familiar more than women do. Men can achieve orgasm with greater reliability and frequency than women, regardless of orientation. So, in other words, men…we already know you achieve a “happy ending,”
your woman would like to achieve the same. Thank you.

How Do You Give Her The Big O?

1. Set a romantic mood. Create an experience. Clean, comfortable is the usual expectation. Go a little deeper, engage all of her senses. The right lighting, music, scents, tastes (food, drinks,sweets) check these links for specifics

Holiday Love: Boost Your Libido With Tasty Treats

IMG_3405Holiday Love: It’s Scientific: Get Busy!

Holiday Love: Let’s Talk About Sex

Holiday Love : It’s The Little Things

Holiday Love: The Gift of Lingerie

2. Create gratitude lists. You may not have a lot of money to purchase expensive gifts. The thought that you put in to spending time with her is exponentially more valuable. Tell her why you appreciate her presence in your life. You have to say it. Do not assume that she already knows. This applies to women too. We have to tell men what we like, and what we don’t like. YourIMG_3314 wanting to experience things and have nice things does not make you a gold digger or a spoiled brat. You deserve to have a good time and you are worthy of nice things. This is all about communication. Gratitude and appreciation are as significant and important as a purse or new shoes. Your significant other should understand that you love nice things but who you are as a person is much more valuable than anything you can buy at a store. Express that value.

3. FREE GIFT IDEA::: create a love letter expressing your gratitude:: Hand written, on stationary, sealed in an envelope and mail it to him or her through the US Postal Service. Make the effort to write out the reasons you are grateful for the special someone in your life. This gesture is so incredible. What’s usually in the mailbox? Bad news, bills, and junk is usually all that is there. To get a letter from someone you love is amazing. Take the time to create it, especially for those who are experiencing financial difficulty this holiday season, it will be appreciated. Love is free.

According to the experts, “In a study by Dr. Amie Gordon and colleagues, published in “The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,” it was reported that couples who expressed appreciation were more committed, more responsive, and more likely to stay together. The authors noted “These findings provide evidence that gratitude is important for the successful maintenance of intimate bonds.”IMG_3328

As we have learned from the past 11 articles, oxytocin is the hormone that helps to create the bond of love, safety, and acceptance. We have to do things to stimulate that hormone, to keep the spark lit and keep us wanting more! Do more. Put out there what you want to receive. It will be worth it!

I hope that you enjoyed my series of articles about holiday love and that your holiday is magnificent. Happy Holidays from my family to yours!

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at http://www.cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. She has also published two books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, both are available at amazon.com.

Follow@sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

References

1. Beth Skwarecki, Is there a season for births?, DoubleX Science: site powered by an IDEA grant from the National Association of Science Writers. February 2013

2. Justin R. Garcia et al., “Variation in Orgasm Occurrence by Sexual Orientation in a Sample of U.S. Singles,” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 11, Issue 11, pages 2645–2652, November 2014

3. Amie M. Gordon et al., “To have and to hold: Gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 103(2), Aug 2012, 257-274

4. Bridging the Love, Sex, and Gratitude Gap , Watson, Psychology Today

Holiday Love: 50 Great Gift Ideas For The Lady In Your Life

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Holiday Love: 50 Great Gift Ideas For The Lady In Your Life

By Celli Arenas

If you really love her, if you can’t see her or you with anybody else, go for it, & do it now! The holidays are the perfect time to propose. Remember, the greatest gift in the world is love; it’s priceless, but rings are not…Get her a ring that she will truly appreciate. Check out some beautiful sparklers here.

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So, okay…you’re too chicken to take that leap of faith and make a commitment. Fine, hold on a little longer, observe her, get to know her, grow to accept her family as being a part of her, but position yourself in her life so that her bond with you is even stronger.

Here are some safer gift ideas for the lady you like (but aren’t ready to marry, yet). These gifts may keep her around for a little while longer while you try to figure things out.

1. Tickets to a show, Cirque Du Soleil is in Miami this holiday season.

Cirque Du Soleil Amaluna

Cirque Du Soleil Amaluna

2. A magazine subscription is a great gift that lasts all year. Women love magazines.

3. Beats by Dre Headphones in her favorite color. Cute!

Beats by Dre

Beats by Dre

4. Specialty playing cards, for your gambling girl.

5. A best-selling book, like “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” (hint, hint)

6. A movie and dinner at a dinner theater. Check your local theaters to see if there is one in your part of town.
www.amctheatres.com/

7. Kindle Fire or iPad and a download of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me“. Excellent gift!

Kindle

8. A gift basket with her favorite wine, cheese, and crackers.

Hickory Farm Gift Basket

Hickory Farm Gift Basket

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9. Tickets to a Miami Heat Game. (hello…anybody here?)

10. A set of DVD‘s themed around her favorite actor, director or film era. (John Hughes, 80’s movies: Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Weird Science, The Breakfast Club).

11. A bottle of wine and a new board game. Notice that wine is mentioned here, a lot. Can’t go wrong with wine!

Red wine

Red wine

12. Egyptian Cotton pajamas…because flannel is for your grandma.

13. Silk robe …because flannel is for your grandma.

14. Custom ordered monogrammed stationery, because she is fancy and you like that about her.

15. A Spa Day at a luxury spa (no strip mall deals).  Strip mall salons/spas are fine for routine maintenance, but it is the holiday season.  Step your game up!

Mandarin Oriental

Mandarin Oriental Spa Miami

16. A monogrammed set of sheets, bath sheets, hand towels, socks, etc. Anything with HER initials on it, will let her know that you put forth effort to get her something unique.

17. A designer clutch. Smaller versions of designer bags are usually less expensive and  more affordable.

18. A Gift Card to Bloomingdales or Nordstrom’s. She may catch a great sale!

19. A set of deluxe makeup brushes. Sephora has lots of great gifts for your lady friend(s) [players with multiple babes].

Deluxe Makeup Brush Set

Deluxe Makeup Brush Set

20. A monogrammed makeup bag. Again, her initials, her territory! She likes that.

21. A hair makeover (new style, length, texture, color). Spice things up with a “new thing.”

22. A boudoir photo session with an experienced photographer. Ultimate sexy gift for the both of you.

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23. Precious stone jewelry. Not a diamond, yet…but getting closer!

24. A candle…because candles are sexy.

Blue Sage Boutique

Blue Sage Boutique

25. All-natural soaps. I love patchouli soap by Zum Bar. What an aphrodisiac!

Zum Bar Soap

Zum Bar Soap

26. Holistic beauty treatments such as bath salts and scented astringents, body washes.

Blue Sage Boutique

Blue Sage Boutique

27. A crystal vase. Fill it with flowers too, by the way.

Crystal Vase

Crystal Vase

28. A throw for the couch…for when you are “watching a movie.”

Faux Fur Throw

Faux Fur Throw

29. A crafted personal project: photo album or scrapbook. Cute idea for your first Holiday, (after one year).

30. Assorted jars of olives, pickles, jams and marmalades. I’m reaching…I know. I hope she doesn’t throw them at you, lol. Get her this if she is over 30 years old, and knows the value of good olives.

31. Her favorite cake or pastry. Again, I hope she doesn’t throw it at you! Get her this if you’ve been dating for a short period of time, like a week.

Cakes

Cakes

32. Dance lessons: introductory ballroom, salsa or flamenco dance class, (twerk & pole dancing count too)…I’m just saying…

33. Nice workout gear. Matching joggers with great athletic shoes, this is an awesome gift! If she doesn’t work out regularly, don’t try it. You might not last for New Years.

Workout Gear

Workout Gear

34. A flight bag, camera case or classy travel kit monogrammed with her initials! Put her name on anything and you WIN! Oh yeah, take her somewhere where she can use it, and you win. Travel wins…FYI.

35. A class in something she’s interested in learning more about ( real estate, cosmetology, insurance, bond surety).  If you help a woman discover an opportunity that will improve the quality of her life, she will know that she matters to you.  That’s important.

36. A session with a personal trainer, Pilates instructor, reflexologist or nutritionist. Help her achieve the goals she set for herself. Don’t try to CHANGE her into someone else. Support her by listening to what she wants to do for herself with her own life and support that.  Don’t try to recreate her into what you think is a “better” person.  That’s rude.

37. A hot new gadget. Go to Radio Shack or shop at amazon to discover the latest in tech gear. Grab her something innovative.

38. Gardening tools, a flowering plant or a gift certificate to her local gardening center. Just please, avoid buying her a hoe (for obvious reasons).

39. Vintage perfume tray, with a perfume atomizer. Very nice gift, especially when paired with a new fragrance.

perfume tray

perfume tray

40. A matching accessories set like a matching hat and scarf, and sunglasses.  A nice gift for seasonal locations.  Her gift must be useful.

amazon shop

amazon shop

41. A Keurig machine with gourmet coffee, for when you are still around in the morning for breakfast.

42. Sushi-making supplies; and FRESH ingredients to make some sushi magic with.

43. A fabulous bottle of champagne, Perrier-Jouët is my favorite.  She may or may not have a favorite, so trust me on this one.

44. Dinner to a five-star restaurant: Prime 112, is a beautiful restaurant nestled on a quiet corner on South Beach in Miami, Florida. An after dinner stroll down Collins, makes for a fantastic shared experience. Am I recommending that you take her on a trip to Miami.  Yes, take her somewhere…sheesh!

45. Luxe table linens, napkin rings and place card holders, for your first dinner that you host together.

46. Godiva chocolates…enough said.

47. Caviar, foie gras and brie, just because she may not have ever had her own.

48. A deluxe picnic basket. Make use of it too! Fill it with dinner and make her gift a surprise event.

49. A custom crafted recipe book with recipes of meals you’ve shared together. Show her that you remember the little things.

50. An Ugly Christmas Sweater. Then surprise her by gathering a few friends who are also wearing Ugly Christmas Sweaters at your very own Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

The holidays are special, let her know that you think she is too. Don’t just say, “have a happy holiday season,” make it happen.

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

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Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

Follow @sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

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