Tag Archives: Dating

Sexual Intimacy: We Stay Connected to Past Lovers

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Sexual Intimacy: We Stay Connected to Past Lovers

By, Ascellia Arenas

couple problems“Oh, yes, I know ‘so-and-so’…We are just friends… ” the common reply of men and women who have multiple sex partners and don’t want to be cornered in to the “relationship” category for many and varied reasons. The reasons may be that she is financially insecure, he doesn’t like her family, she has issues and baggage from previous failed relationships, the excuses [reasons] go on and on.  The bottom line is this, and ladies and gentlemen take stock in the information I am about to provide here because yes, I am talking to you SPECIFICALLY.  If the man who shares your bed, bathroom, broom closet, backseat of your jeep, couch, or wherever you allow him to hit it and quit it, is not your “MAN”, you should think twice before answering that next “booty text.”  Yes, I said text because, if the guy I mentioned above is contacting you, he most definitely is texting so the real “woman”, can’t hear your conversation!  Vice-versa for women, as well. 

Ladies, “Scientists have discovered that a sizeable minority of women have Y-chromosome gene sequences in their blood. Y-chromosomes are the chromosomes that belong to men.” How do you think they got there?  Hmmmm….
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Some may say that the answer would be from pregnancy with a male son, every woman who has been pregnant still carries cells from her fetus within her bloodstream.  FYI- “cells from pregnancy will reside within the mother’s bloodstream and organs for the rest of her life. Even if the pregnancy was terminated or if there was a miscarriage these said genes would remain with the Mother.” (2015) The name for this condition, it is called microchimerism.  This does not explain the number of women who have never been pregnant nor have given birth to a son. 

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There was a study  conducted by immunologists at the Fred Hutchinson Caner Center in 2004. “In this study they took samples from 120 women who had never had sons. They found that 21% of these women had male DNA. The women were then categorized into 4 groups according to pregnancy history: Group A had only daughters, Group B had one or more miscarriage(s), Group C had induced abortions and Group D had never been pregnant before. The prevalence of male michrochimerism was considerably greater in Group C although it was still present in each group. Group A 8%, Group B 22%, Group C 57% and Group D 10%.” (2015)
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The conclusions of this study lists possible sources of male michrochimerism included, known pregnancies, miscarriages, vanished male twin, or sexual intercourse. So, this proves that through intercourse there is a potential for women to hold onto male genes and DNA within their organs and blood stream for their entire life! Think about that when you hook up with a guy at the club, or find a date off of backpage.com. Your sexual activity, or lack thereof, has a lasting effect on your DNA.

People who follow holistic medicine and who are naturalists, and spiritualists have known this-now scientifically proven fact, for centuries.  They believe that every time you sleep with somebody you are taking on a part of them within you. Not just their spiritual energy but their DNA stays, commingles, and becomes part of you. There is a stronger implication here, “as women [we] are capable of taking on actual physical DNA from the men that we sleep with.” 

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This is an important, eye-opening piece of information to happen upon.

Ineffect, science has put a whole new meaning on sexual intercourse, “it is a very sacred and spiritual act and should be completely regarded as such.” You can not think of sex as just being a physical function similar to eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom.  Reportedly, “many people are misusing sex and have forgotten what it is meant for and how important and consecrated it really is.” Many women have taken the social cues from mainstream media, music and entertainment and have desensitized themselves from the act of sex as, “not a big deal,” or “as a feminist act of freedom” to have indiscriminate sexual encounters and or casual sexual encounters with “friends”  and “associates.” Many men and women are giving away sex somewhat freely because of insecurity, or to please or impress the opposite sex without actually even realizing how irresponsible it is. 

Look at the high rate of unplanned pregnancies, HIV, HPV, chlamydia, and other STI’s, all because, at the time, it was “just sex.”  When we become indiscriminate in our practice of our human sexuality and when we are completely disconnected from ourselves, it doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal.  
Recently, comedian & Oscar winning Actress Mo’Nique and her husband, Sidney Harris, appeared on an episode of the talk show, “The Preachers,” and discussed their ideas about having an open marriage. 

 

click here to watch the clip of Mo’Nique and Sidney discuss open marriage

 
The couple host a podcast , “Mo’Nique & Sidney’s Open Relationship” where they discuss how their 10 year marriage has worked because of their honesty.  

Clearly, many people feel that casual sex and open relationships aren’t really a big deal…Oh, but it is! 

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In agreement with the author, I have always believed, the following sentiment:

“Now, being older and more connected to my spiritual self I realize that sex is not something that is meant to be thrown around and given out so freely, it is a sacred act that creates a bond between two people [who] love and care about each other. It is so important for us (humanity) to realize this. There is a lot of power and amazing potential within this act and it has the complete capability of connecting us with our true selves.”-Alana Ketler (2014)

In our lifetimes we have been faced with many personal sexual dilemmas, we have made fourth quarter decisions that coud have been life altering but because of our arousal, and or care and concern for our partner, we may have allowed the exchange of our spirit and our DNA.  When you lay down with someone you don’t love, you are carrying that negative spirit and you re becoming bound to that person.  In exchange of sweat, saliva, semen, breath, you are giving your sexual partner an intimate piece of you.  Sex is not a recreational activity.  It is sacred and has many physical, mental, and spiritual implications connected to it.  Unless you are willing to share LOVE on that level, keep your pants on and wait for who deserves you.

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Discover More Here:  “Think Twice…”

©2016 Cellibration Publishing

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas

Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at cellibration, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. Her books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, are both available at amazon.com.

Holiday Love: Boost Your Libido With Tasty Treats

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Holiday Love: Boost Your Libido With Tasty Treats

By, Celli Arenas

Food, glorious food. Imagine this scene, it’s so cold outside, you are alone with your favorite somebody and you have lots of time to relax and unwind. You need a few snacks to get your private party started, right? Well, here is a list of treats that will make your time together a “sure thing”. Get your favorite serving platter out and put on your thong because there’s going to be some holiday jollies going on!

The holiday menu for a fun sleigh ride goes a little something like this:

Black Raspberries

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The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. “This phytochemical-rich food enhances both libido and sexual endurance,” say Drs. Anna Maria and Brian Clement, authors of 7 Keys to Lifelong Sexual Vitality and directors of Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, Florida.

The prescription for love is as follows, “Consume 10 black raspberries or a tablespoon of seeds a few hours before getting busy.” Think of it as a power booster.

Cloves

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I love a great cup of Chai and let me tell you why. Cloves. Cloves are a “sex superfood”. “They [are] versatile when it comes to cooking: it can be brewed in hot apple cider, infused in your favorite exotic dish, or added to a chai tea latte.” Such a powerful spice and it has awesome benefits. “In India, cloves have been used to treat male sexual dysfunction for centuries.” Another added benefit, “Cloves are also used to rid bad breath, which can’t hurt your kissing skills either,” says Glassman. Nothing like kissing your spicy sweetheart with fresh breath.

Figs

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These sweet treats make you irresistible. Figs will get your libidos pumped like teenagers in the backseat of a Jeep on a Friday night! They are so yummy, “[they are] considered excellent stimulants of fertility and enhance the secretion of pheromones,” say Dr. Clement. The doctor prescribes, “feast on up to five figs before getting it on and find out for yourself.” Figs are pretty, festive, and will definitely brighten up your holiday tray.

Watermelon

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Beyoncé sang a song about it and researchers at the University of Guelph agree, “if you’re really looking for a sweet libido-booster, stick to a slice of watermelon.” As much as I love chocolate, it appears that watermelon packs more bang-bang-boom: “watermelon is 92 percent water, but the remaining 8 percent of fruit is jam-packed with vital nutrients for sexual health.”

Check this out: “researchers at the Texas A&M Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center reported finding in 2008 that watermelon has ingredients that delivered Viagra-like effects to the human body’s blood vessels and could even aid in increasing libido.” So, when Beyonce sings that “she’s been drankin’ watermelon,” imagine that she is doing it for scientific purposes.

Also, “Watermelon contains a phytonutrient called citrulline, which the body converts to arginine, an amino acid that boosts nitric oxide levels in the body, which relax blood vessels in the same way a medicine like Viagra does,” says Dr. Clement. Hey, a doctor recommended it. I am offering you a second opinion. Try it, you’ll like it.

Honey

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I love it, honey is one of my favorite things. Honey has medicinal purposes as well as libido enhancing properties. Reportedly, “honey extracted from aphrodisiac flowers like jasmine and orchid can increase the potency in a man. The wonderful sweetness of honey in bed also takes its place in guides like the Kamasutra.”

If you are looking for that “staying power,” honey can do the trick.
Dr.’s prescription: “two spoons of honey are enough to keep you going all night long.”

There are some great food choices to boost your libido here.

Learn more about honey…honey.

Red Wine

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Wine and dine her. The payoff is incredible. So, the good news is this, “women who drink between one and two glasses of plonk a day have a higher sex drive than those who drink less.” Red, red, wine…come close to me! But wait, there’s scientific evidence to support the vino sip, “A study of 800 women aged 18-50 by the University of Florence compared the results to the Female Sexual Function Index, an extensive survey of sexual arousal and satisfaction in women. They found that red wine drinkers scored 27.3 out of a maximum of 36, compared to 25.9 for less-frequent cork poppers and a chaste 24.4 for teetotallers.” So if she don’t sip that wine, she might not like to grind…too much? Ok,sorry.
More wino info/benefits here

Chocolate

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Yes, chocolate is on the list! Chocolate will never be stricken from any list that I produce. It has remained for good reason too. Peep this, “eating chocolate leads to higher levels of desire, arousal, and sexual satisfaction, according to a study from an Italian university reported in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.” I rely heavily on scientific research, you see.
Also, the studies revealed the following, “female participants who consumed at least one cube of chocolate a day experienced more active libidos and better overall sexual function than those who didn’t indulge.” See, all those chocolate loving ladies can’t be wrong! So, stomp your feet and say it loud like Randy Watson, “Sexual Chocolate”…”thank you, good night.”

Enjoy your list of holiday treats that boost the libido. Eat up buttercups, happy holidays!

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Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

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Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

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Holiday Love : Emotionally Unavailable + Intimacy Phobic = Cold Pressed

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Holiday Love : Emotionally Unavailable + Intimacy Phobic = Cold Pressed

By, Celli Arenas

Today I read that there weren’t many articles out there about emotional unavailability and intimacy phobias. I’m not one to resist a challenge, so here we go…ho, ho, ho (no pun intended).

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable? How do you know if your sweetie is blowing you off or is really, truly, extremely busy?

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The red flags are waving: need some clues? Consider this: he’s evasive and makes too many excuses. She is inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationships, childish even. He uses anger, criticizes you, and uses activities to create distance between you. Energy and vibes don’t lie, people do. If you continue to accept excuses from him/ her you will end up feeling rejected, depressed, and unimportant. Please excuse yourself from that pitiful party and shake it off. It is holiday time, and that means holiday love! Don’t be glum, just do some reflection.

According to expert, Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, “There are several types of unavailability, both temporary and chronic. Some people have always been unavailable due to mental illness or a troubled childhood. Others temporarily make something a higher priority than a relationship, such as a family obligation, education, project, or a health concern.” Be careful about becoming complacent with being last on the list all of the time.

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Failed Relationship Trauma

“People recently divorced or widowed may temporarily not be ready to get involved with someone new. In the middle are those who are too afraid to risk falling in love because they’ve been hurt by one or more relationships, which may include being hurt by a parent when they were a child.” Childhood issues manifest into adult problems. Often times, we overcompensate for those issues or we withdraw. Either way, until we learn to cope effectively, intimacy and availability will be disrupted.

“Often these different reasons for unavailability overlap, and it’s difficult to ascertain whether the problem is chronic or will pass.” It becomes a plague to the relationship. Growth is significantly hindered and frustration replaces effective communication.

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Signs of Emotional Unavailability

1. Flattery-“Men who are too flattering may also be adept listeners and communicators, like snake charmers. Often good at short-term intimacy.” One or two night stand, at best.

2. Control– “Someone who won’t be inconvenienced to modify his or her routine.” It’s all about her! Her schedule, her plan, her time, her event, her place, her suggestions. Selfish, there is no room at the Inn.

3. Listen– “Your date may hint or even admit that he or she isn’t good at relationships or doesn’t believe in or isn’t ready for marriage.” This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system. He/She IS NOT TRYING TO BE WITH YOU!!! Slide…yes, hook up…yes, hang out once in a blue moon…yes. Marry YOU…nope.

4. The past
“Find out if the person has had a long-term relationship and why it ended. You may learn that prior relationships ended at the stage when intimacy normally develops.” The proof is in the back story. If all relationships come to a screeching halt, buckle up! You’re next.

5. Perfection seekers- “These people look for and find a fatal flaw in the opposite sex and then move on. The problem is that they’re scared of intimacy.” You may hear excuses of physical imperfections (her body, his nose, her skin color, his/her hair or lack there of) ; financial woes (he/she is broke) and even worse, the problem could be that everything is too perfect! In any case, these people are never satisfied.

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Reflection

Are you emotionally available? Are you commitment phobic? Ask yourself some of Lancer’s questions.

Q. Are you angry at the opposite sex? Do you like jokes at their expense?
A. If so, you may need to heal from past wounds before you’re comfortable getting close to someone.
Q. Do you make excuses to avoid getting together?
A. I think you get the hint.

Q. Do you think you’re so independent you don’t need anyone?
A. Seriously?

Q. Do you fear falling in love because you may get hurt?
A. I think we know where this road leads.

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The holidays are a reflective time, especially with the new year approaching. Embrace the possibility of being emotionally available and intimate with someone, have something real. The gift of love pays off year round, not just for a few days in December.

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Discover more here:
Lancer, D. (2012). How to Spot Emotional Unavailability. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-emotional-unavailability/00012770

Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

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Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

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Holiday Love: Holiday Dating Tips

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Holiday Love: Holiday Dating Tips

By, Celli Arenas

Tis the season to be jolly. Take your time getting to know new people, date, court, and find that person who adds a twinkle to your eyes. The holidays provide great opportunities to go out and enjoy the company of someone special. Dr. Helen Fisher offers the following tips:

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1. “Family and romance don’t always mix. Be careful about including him or her in family holiday activities.” Unless you feel that both parties can mix well together, you may want to wait until after the holidays to have a meet and greet.

2. “Curb your generosity when buying your date presents or she/he may think you are more serious than you really are.” Remember it is the thought that counts. A nice scarf, bottle of wine, gift certificate for a mani/pedi, a nice candle or set of candles, are all thoughtful and appropriate for someone you are dating casually.

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3. “Do something “different” with your date like a carriage ride, skating, sledding or driving.” Do something different. Definitely don’t do the office party, unless you are ready for the co-workers to start planning your wedding.

****Unique activities drive up dopamine in the brain and can stimulate romance.****

4. “Holding hands with your date can affect oxytocin levels in the brain and increase feelings of trust and attachment.” Kiss if and when you are ready. Lots of oxytocin involved, for sure.

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5. “At holiday parties, introduce your date to your friends, explain who people are, how you know them, and then continually include your date in your conversations.” DON’T CALL YOUR DATE “A FRIEND”. If he/she is your date, be honest.

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6. “There is a fine line between bragging and telling your date about yourself.” Let him or her get some airtime in the conversation too. Don’t hog the conversation talking about yourself.

7. “If you are drinking alcohol, be aware of how much you are drinking during your date.” Two is plenty; but, if you are driving try to space out your intake (drink water in between and no drinks for at least an hour before you drive). Trust me on this…😏

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8. “Don’t listen to everything your friends and family say about your date.” You’re dating this person, not them. Remember, they aren’t in the relationship, you are. Unless there is physical, emotional, or financial abuse going on, keep your business to yourself.

9. “Be on time or call your date and let them know you are running late.” Everybody has things that come up, be flexible, but don’t be a doormat.

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10. “If you have the holiday blues, try not to let it affect your date or consider waiting to date until after the holidays.” Keep it at home sad Sally! It’s time to turn up!

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For more details check here.

Remember, holidays are to be enjoyed. Have a great holiday season!

Join my friends Michelle and Amber and me, as we discuss more great holiday tips! Monday night 8:30-9:00pm on Twitter #holidazechat

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Get your copy of “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me” , by Celli Arenas, today!

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Get your copies on Amazon.com

Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me

30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit

Follow @sidetrackedbook on Instagram & Twitter

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Sisters Looking For Love Online

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Success Magazine, September 2010

::click here to see the full length article:: Sisters Looking For Love On Line

“Sisters Looking for Love Online”

By, Ascellia M. Arenas

She is unmarried, she is African-American, and she does not want to be single anymore. Is her man online? The Online Schools study reports over 20 million people visit online dating websites at least once a month. Also, one and three women have sex on the first encounter with men they meet online. Unfortunately, men frequently lie most about their age, height, and income. Why then would any woman risk her heart with “taking a chance with love” online? Are these “sisters” getting down on the first date? Do the “brothers” know and seek that?

After discussing the topic with African-American men and women; it is clear that the majority of the single females have a high interest in online dating services. Angela states, “Yes, I would and do date courtesy of online avenues. I think dating online opens up possibilities to meet people outside of the traditional places.” Given that today’s successful African-American woman is most likely digitally literate, and spends a great deal of time working and networking online and offline: there is no doubt that she would participate in online dating. The 2006 Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project claims that nearly 7 million American adults have gone out with someone they met online.

Cynthia agrees that some single African-American women may feel hesitant about online dating, but are willing to give it a try. She states, “As an African-American woman, I don’t feel like there is a stigma attached to seeking relationships online. My hesitancy comes from wanting to protect my safety and my heart. Niky, who is a single mother of two children, states, “as the years ‘tick on by’, it becomes more of a considered option.” She understands the need to exercise caution.

The African-American male point of view is different about finding “love” online. They view it as a socially interactive way to meet people. William understands that his friends may purposely look online for women who may be interested in dating them. The use of social networking sites like eHarmony and Match.com requires a fee and they are willing to pay to play.

Tony offers, “Well, I think that [in] this computer age that we live in, it’s not a bad idea.” Scott sees the benefit in women participating in the selection of eligible bachelors available online. Scott adds, “I feel that dating has evolved just as everything has and will.” David, a single African-American male offers his opinion about single sisters looking for love online. He states, “with the advent of social networking, we are truly all connected in this matrix now, no one is safe!” Interestingly, the men who seek the women to casually connect are honestly seeking true companionship as well.

Many of the single African-American women who participated seemed to be optimistic about the opportunity to meet professional African-American men. Is it about a making love connection or a digital-booty call? How would you know it doesn’t work if you never try it? Wanna chat?