Radio & TV personality,Big Tigger, broke his silence today regarding America’s sweetheart, Keisha Knight Pulliam (Rudy Huxtable of The Cosby Show) and her impending divorce with, ex-NFL football player, Ed Hartwell. The two dated for several years and we all wondered why. Not that there is anything wrong with Tigger or with Keisha. The wonder was, in my opinion, why date anyone for longer than 3 years if you don’t want to marry? If you do everything that married folks do, for longer than two years, why not reap the full benefit of marriage?
Tigger, your statement was cute but…
I read the part where you said…”my father divorced three times and I only want to get married once to the woman I love [sic]”
Let’s use our inferencing skills students. The IMPLIED meaning of his statement is,
“Keisha, I LIKE you, I LIKE having sex with you, I LIKE being your “friend” but, I DON’T LOVE YOU. I WILL NOT HONOR WHAT I DO WITH YOU BY MARRYING YOU.”
Ladies: stop melting over backhanded compliments that are really carefully worded insults.
Gents: If she’s good enough to waste 6 years of her life and fertility, she’s good enough to marry.
Don’t these idiots know that STRESS can cause her to miscarry? This repetitive disrespect is unwarranted and cruel. This Maury Povich treatment, of maligning her dignity by questioning who fathered her baby is insulting, degrading, and disgusting. Pulliam has managed to stay out of the news for her entire life and demonstrated a lifestyle that young women can emulate because she IS a responsible and dignified young lady.
I’m disappointed that some of our black men won’t protect and respect us the way we stand up for them. They parade young women out in the stage of life to get stoned with disrespect and utter foolishness. They are literally treating her like a woman of ill-repute who has multiple sex partners with whom she does not use protection. That is low. Men, you better face the fact that when you lay down with a woman, the results and consequences are literally LIFE ALTERING. You can become a father or you can spread disease. Stop laying down with women you don’t love and don’t want children with. It’s simple.
In 2009, Steve Harvey taught women how to “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” In this wildly popular self-help New York Times bestseller Harvey instructs women to give a relationship a 90 day interim where she can learn about her partner. During this time frame , as a woman who “thinks like a man,” the woman must not give away her cookie or her “prize”. After all, who wants to buy a cow when he’s been getting all her milk for free?
Harvey also recommends that if you have a child, do not allow your new beau and your child the opportunity to meet until a real, legitimate relationship has been acknowledged and established. Sharing time with multiple men within view of your son or daughter may send mixed messages that can ultimately only hurt them in the end if the/those relationships end. Also, if your child really truly dislikes your partner, DO NOT ignore that. Have meaningful conversations with your child while taking a drive in your car. Turn off all distractions, put the phones away. Listen to your child’s reasons for why he/she dislikes your man and respond appropriately. Also, do NOT allow your partner to convince you to ignore, neglect, or disrespect your child.
After several years of comparative analysis (2008-present), I have found that men want happy, successful relationships, as well. The way you communicate with your partner determines if it will last long term or just be a more than casual friendship (especially within the realm of “friends” with benefits).
So, I started to think about the game of chess. In the game of chess The Queen is the most powerful piece. “The Queen can can move in any one straight direction – forward, backward, sideways, or diagonally. The Queen can go as far as possible across the board long as she does not move through any of her own pieces. And, if the queen captures an opponent’s piece her move is over.” Practice playing chess here:
If you want to learn more: subscribe below to receive my FREE EBook. “Queening: Living The Life You Deserve”.
Love Like You Are Playing To Win
1. A Queen must be a SMART woman. Every single business uses SMART goals (the acronym means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound) . In moving forward to an outcome of having a real and exclusive relationship with man is essentially like becoming a business partner. You need to be very specific about what you want. You have to see the evidence of effort made. You must acknowledge if you are in the right frame of mind to give a partner the attention or respect they deserve. How much of your time are you willing to give? What is your cut-off date? How many years of your life will you invest in a partner who selfishly wastes your time?
2. A Queen can move backwards. YOUR HIGHNESS, You have the authority to review the status of your relationship and terminate it if it compromises your integrity. Your partner does not complete you. You were an entire person when you met him you will be complete if he decides to leave or you decide to kick him to the curb.
3. Take it there! The Queen can move ALL ACROSS the board as long as long as you don’t move through any of your own pieces. Meaning, what you made for yourself before the relationship is yours. What you help him make during the relationship is 50% yours. What you make after your relationship ends is 100 % yours. Men are hard wired to provide. If you meet a man who does not want to spend not one thin dime, not one red cent, is NOT worth your time, energy, tears, sex, massages, hot meals, washed /ironed clothes, cleaning up of his personal space AT ALL. Unless you are the WIFE with a marriage license issued by your local government that is searchable through public record, you should NOT, I repeat NOT Give him husband benefits. He will NEVER marry you, publicly claim you, nor treat you like his woman if you allow him to disrespect you and serve your intimacy on a garbage can lid. A man wants a woman he can brag about and show off, afford nice things for, and feel valued by. Let that man BE A MAN.
4. A Queen may move diagonally. Make diagonal moves on the chess board. Date men that possess your preferences. See how you feel when you spend time with him. Having sex with multiple men isn’t what I suggest. I do suggest that you meet new people and date without letting sex cloud your good judgement. Just know that God WILL NOT send you someone else’s husband, ever. Don’t fall for the lies. Public record contains information regarding children (child support liens) and spouses(past and present). A man that does not take care of his children, or thoroughly and consistently mistreats the women and children in his life WILL NOT CHANGE FOR YOU.
If he decides to become a better man that transformation is between him and God. You are not responsible for rehabilitating a man to make him “ready” for you.
A Queen does NOT participate in the following activities: prolonged abusive discussions of any kind or especially about an ex from his past, beg FOR ANYTHING (ie. time, money, gifts, food, sex, respect, meeting his family, communication, friendship, love), nor does she show off a non-committed relationship and/or post on social media every single nuance of her relationship with her man. Keep your pillow talk in the bed along with everything else you do in bed. Describing the sexual prowess of your mate rises his stock, socially. If you say it’s good and your single friends are sold on his talents because of your big mouth; you best believe somebody will try it. You may have a lovely circle of great friends who will never intentionally hurt you but, then again…maybe you don’t. Act accordingly.
A Queen does participate in the following activities: loving herself first and best, encouraging her man to develop his skill sets (getting a high school diploma, a college education, completing an apprenticeship, obtaining a professional license, completing a business plan, developing networking opportunities, succeeding in building something, repairing something), and by showing him you trust and believe in him.
We are in a state of crisis: our men and children are being murdered in cold blood right now in front of us, on film, every single say. What this world needs right now is more love. We need to recognize our own greatness and ability to develop strong, lasting, respectful relationships and thriving families. Finally, if you are fortunate enough to be with a man treats you like a Queen, act accordingly, reciprocate (treat him like a King), and don’t ever take it for granted.
Please subscribe to receive your FREE eBook, “Queening: Living The Life You Deserve”
Early Tuesday morning, Alton Sterling, 37 years old, father of five, was fatally shot outside a convenience store in Louisiana. The disturbing incident was captured on cellphone video. Reportedly, The Baton Rouge Police Department released a statement that: “uniformed officers responded to a call early Tuesday about a black male in a red shirt who was selling CDs and had reportedly threatened the caller with a gun.” Also, BRPD adds , [that] Officers “made contact” with Sterling in the parking lot of the Triple S Food Mart. There was an altercation. Police said, “Sterling was shot during the altercation and died at the scene,” and the two officers have been placed on administration leave “per standard procedure,” BRPD added, and that the investigation will continue. The East Baton Rouge Coroner Dr. William Clark reports, “Sterling died from multiple gunshot wounds to the chest and back.” The coroner would not immediately confirm if Sterling was shot 7 times. The president of the NAACP, Cornell Brooks, says, “[the] video of the incident hard to watch — but “far harder” to ignore.” State Representative, Ted James, calls the incident, “murder”. Black Lives Matter members and outraged citizens have taken to the streets in protest.
By, Ascellia M. Arenas
I needed to ponder about how I really felt after I listened to President Obama’s final State of the Union Address. I know that I’m going to miss the Obamas. I’m going to miss the entire family.
I think the Obamas showed us how to be a real team/couple: demonstrating unrelenting leadership, consciousness, awareness, power, success, and commitment to each other and our country. They are representative of how marriage is a blessing and not a curse. For the first time in a long time we got to see what a man and a woman who care about each other, really looks like. They are not competing with each other, they are complimenting each other-and it WORKS.
The Obamas both successfully completed college and law school. They got married in church in front of family and friends. They conceived two children together. They campaigned together as a unified front. He would not allow anyone (any news correspondent, journalist, media outlet) to disrespect him, nor any member of his family. Michelle Obama exudes the same qualities.
You see, in today’s media we see the ladies man (gigolo, pimp) who objectifies women and uses their bodies for recreation and or for personal gain. We also see the image of a woman but she is merely an illusion of hair, make up, exaggerated body parts, with a foul mouth that can only find negative words to speak about her female friends, her man, and ultimately herself. They get attention! Attention equals money! The more money that these puppets generate for the machine, the stronger the machine becomes. The Obamas broke the machine. They redefined the prototype. The Obamas replaced Heathcliff and Claire Huxtable and became our role models of what successful, empowered, intelligent, and real black love looks like.
As Obama reflects on his term as president, he credits the experience as being positive in making him a better father.
He allows his daughters to stand beside him on the world’s stage uplifting them as young women of virtue, worthy and empowered to lead after he has retreated to a quieter lifestyle. We know he will still be leading just in another form, as a supporter and a advisor to new leadership.
Barack Obama bared his soul and told us how he felt to be raised by a single mother. He forged a bond with all members of his family, he showed that a black man, in America can lead his family and the entire country with strength, sensitivity, and empathy.
The Obama children, Malia and Sasha have grown up to be intelligent, well-rounded, beautiful, respectful, empowered, young women who are leaders in their own right.
We can see that even though the Obamas are busy leading the free world, they still have time to love, to share, to parent, to be devoted to their family without excuse or apology.
Michelle Obama speaks on her own behalf about education and health. Her platform is her own: she does not need to be silent and hiding behind her husband unlike other First Ladies. She is able to speak for herself because she, in and of herself, is a strong representation of feminine strength and elegance.
The Obamas won together. They stayed together. They were accused of foolishness together, they fought back together. In reflection over the two terms Barack Obama served as the first American president of African descent, I can say that I am very proud to have supported his leadership, and to have participated in fundraising and increasing voter registration in an effort to help push forward President Obama’s primary initiative: CHANGE.
President Obama did exactly what he said he was going to do and more. I acknowledge that Obama was honest with us, he held his temper in tact when the going got tough and he led us to this place, here in history where we can say, we witnessed good character and integrity in leadership.
What I know for sure is that I have witnessed the evolution of a man who had a dream and it was fulfilled. More than that President Obama showed us who he is, for real, and he is a true champion with a great sense of humor.
Even when they try to convince us that the change Obama influenced and created was negligible, I’m glad we are SMART enough to read, to listen, to understand that they messed around and “left the gate open”. It is going to be hard to go back to the way we used to be before we knew we were free. Thank you Mr. President.
Sources: Associated Press, Huffington Post, CNN, US Magazine, Occupy Democrats, Facebook, Twitter
C.2016 Cellibration Publishing
Ft.Lauderdale Chapter of The Links Incorporated Host Scholarship Workshop#2 & Black Lives Matter/Historical Facts Seminar
By, Ascellia M. Arenas
On Sunday, 1/10/16, at The Old Dillard Museum, The Ft. Lauderdale Chapter of Links Incorporated welcomed prestigious members of the community to inform and relate to local high schoolers and community members the importance of supporting and attending HBCU’s, giving back to the community, protocol and proper procedures for interacting with Law Enforcement, and developing a better understanding the sentiments behind the phrase, “Black Lives Matter”.
The afternoon began with a review of the Carlton Moore Exhibit, a brief guided tour, a formal introduction and welcome by The Ft. Lauderdale Chapter of The Links Incorporated member, and Scholarship Committee Co-Chair, Mrs. Darlene Satterwhite Hargrove, followed by words of wisdom. The Scholarship Committee Chair, and Ft. Lauderdale Chapter of The Links Incorporated member Dr. Dierdre Satterwhite Wilson, shared acknowledgements and objectives with the program participants, community members, honored guests and friends. Helpful materials, portfolio formalization, and Princeton Review reminders were shared, as well.
An open dialogue and discussion with career professionals who are also HBCU graduates provided the graduating seniors and community members with personal accounts and narratives about the black experience in America and how daunting it can be without a college education.
In attendance and in discussion were numerous guests and participants. Special recognition and acknowledgements to The Links Incorporated, Ft. Lauderdale Chapter President, Damita R. Salters and presenters: Honorable Judge Mary Rudd Robinson, Honorable Judge Michael Robinson, Dr. Dwight E. Wilson, DDS, and Mr. Don Hargrove, and Dr. Rosalind Osgood, Elected Broward County Public School Board Member, and many more.
The Ft. Lauderdale Chapter of The Links Incorporated organization is currently finalizing this year’s Senior Scholarship Program and observance ceremony , “The White Rose Scholarship Event”. The organization will announce the Class of 2016 scholarship recipients at the event scheduled for mid-February, 2016.
Brandy aka “Zoe” Is “Queen B” at BET
By, Ascellia M. Arenas
“Zoe Ever After” , a romantic comedy, produced by BET Productions, is about Zoe Moon (Brandy Norwood), who is a newly single mom who wants to make a name for herself by stepping out of the background of her famous boxer ex-husband’s limelight. Gemini Moon (Dorian Missick), Zoe’s ex-husband, adds comedic conflict to Zoe’s life as she attempts to balance dating, motherhood, and a complicated relationship with him. Zoe, newly single, with intrepid ambition, gets to fulfill her career dream of starting her own cosmetics line.
The new cable TV sitcom comes from executive producers Debra Martin Chase, Danny Rose, Scooter Braun, executive producer/writer Erica Montolfo-Bura and co-executive producers Brandy Norwood and Elaine Aronson.
“Zoe Ever After” premieres Tuesday, January 5, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on BET Networks.
“Blatino Settlers of LA”
When we think of the “City of Angels” we associate Hollywood, Celebrities, Paparazzi.
We never really think about the early settlers of this beautiful mountainous city. According to, “MEXICANS OF AFRICAN DESCENT ESTABLISHED LOS ANGELES ON THIS DAY IN 1781”, by D.L.Chandler; September 4th was the birth of one of our nation’s most popular and highly revered states.
The Los Angeles Pobladores, or “townspeople,” were a group of 44 settlers and four soldiers from Mexico who established the famed city on this day in 1781 in what is now California. The settlers came from various Spanish castes, with over half of the group being of African descent.
Celli Arenas, published author, has been featured in several magazines, such as: MIA Magazine, Success Magazine, Legacy Magazine. She is the host blogger at cellibration.com, and hosts MIA-Live.net for BlogTalk Radio. Her books, “30 Days of Dynamic Pursuit” a self-help journal, and “Sidetracked: He Used To Love Me”, a coming of age novel, are both available at Amazon.
👣With sickle cell disease, an inherited group of disorders, red blood cells contort into a sickle shape. 🐾The cells die early, leaving a shortage of healthy red blood cells (sickle cell anemia), and can block blood flow causing pain (sickle cell crisis).🎈
▫️Infections, pain, and fatigue are symptoms.
▫️Treatments include medications, blood transfusions, and rarely a bone-marrow transplant. Be #aware Be #involved Be a #donor #givetoagoodcause
It was the dawn of a new era, the ushering in of a new time, where Black expression of art and culture took hold of the world stage-never leaving, never missing a beat, the African-American artistic collective was named the “Harlem Renaissance,” and we still honor and learn from the artifacts today.
“Spanning the 1920s to the mid-1930s, the Harlem Renaissance was a literary, artistic, and intellectual movement that kindled a new black cultural identity. Its essence was summed up by critic and teacher Alain Locke in 1926 when he declared that through art, “Negro life is seizing its first chances for group expression and self-determination.” Harlem became the center of a “spiritual coming of age” in which Locke’s “New Negro” transformed “social disillusionment to race pride.” Chiefly literary, the Renaissance included the visual arts but excluded jazz, despite its parallel emergence as a black art form”- Discover More : History.com
Male and female artists, musicians, dancers, actors, poets, authors were internationally recognized for their works which helped shape and define the culture of the African-American living in America, and abroad. The artists recognized here were an integral part of documenting the post-slavery era in such a way that journalized African American heritage and culture.
Are you giving too much? Well, there is a difference between functional and dysfunctional helping and giving. One should not stop helping completely, and just shut down. However, one should set helping boundaries when telltale signs of unhealthy helping appear.
These are a few of the “Twelve Red Flags of Dysfunctional Helping and Giving”:
1. It’s increasingly obvious that your help and giving fosters dependence, irresponsibility, incompetence, or poor character.
Burn states, “Sometimes we have to face the fact that our good intentions have gone bad. Continuing to help and give under these conditions is a waste of our resources and isn’t really helpful. Remember healthy helping promotes other people’s growth, independence, and the development of their positive potential. Unhealthy (dysfunctional) helping does the opposite. Use you’re helping energies and resources to help people and causes that will truly benefit from your help.” Know when to pull away and allow a person space to grow independently.
2. The other person continues to violate. Violations include numerous agreements, requires many bailouts, and hasn’t used the help to do as promised.
From the upcoming book “Beyond Declarations of Codependence: The Psychology of Dysfunctional Helping & Giving” by Shawn Meghan Burn, PhD, “At this point, it’s time to stop believing them and giving them chances, at least for now (once you get strong evidence that they are ready to use your help to progress in life, you might try helping them again). When people use your help to escape responsibility over and over again, it’s best to summon the strength to terminate your helping. Continuing to give to people who don’t uphold their end of the deal is a waste of your time and resources. If you continue, you’ll become increasingly angry and resentful.” When it has been demonstrated that the other party won’t compromise. You must let it go before you make yourself angry and resentful.
3. The help or giving causes one to stagnate, or become stuck in an age-inappropriate earlier stage of development, or prevents them from developing needed life or professional skills.
Burn suggests, “You can be too helpful and in the process create people who can’t take care of themselves or do their jobs well. Unhealthy helping can doom others to be less than they’re capable of. Healthy helping promotes others’ independence and life progress; it doesn’t retard it.” Do not allow yourself to step in the way of another persons growth.
4. Your helping or giving requires you to be dishonest and/or compromises your integrity.
The examples that Burn describes are as follows: ” making bogus excuses for another or covering for another, are almost never forms of healthy helping and giving. Healthy helping doesn’t typically involve deception, secrets, nor does it require that we violate our moral code.”
Once you start lying for someone, it never stops. You can hide a lie but you can’t hide the truth.
Finally, you should pull back from “helping” those who take advantage of your help when it is more about you proving to yourself or others what a good person or family member you are. Be good to yourself, be nice to yourself, protect, preserve, and promote yourself. When you help those who truly appreciate what you bring to the situation, you will feel the difference.