By, Ascellia Arenas
In 2009, Steve Harvey taught women how to “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” In this wildly popular self-help New York Times bestseller Harvey instructs women to give a relationship a 90 day interim where she can learn about her partner. During this time frame , as a woman who “thinks like a man,” the woman must not give away her cookie or her “prize”. After all, who wants to buy a cow when he’s been getting all her milk for free?
Harvey also recommends that if you have a child, do not allow your new beau and your child the opportunity to meet until a real, legitimate relationship has been acknowledged and established. Sharing time with multiple men within view of your son or daughter may send mixed messages that can ultimately only hurt them in the end if the/those relationships end. Also, if your child really truly dislikes your partner, DO NOT ignore that. Have meaningful conversations with your child while taking a drive in your car. Turn off all distractions, put the phones away. Listen to your child’s reasons for why he/she dislikes your man and respond appropriately. Also, do NOT allow your partner to convince you to ignore, neglect, or disrespect your child.
After several years of comparative analysis (2008-present), I have found that men want happy, successful relationships, as well. The way you communicate with your partner determines if it will last long term or just be a more than casual friendship (especially within the realm of “friends” with benefits).
So, I started to think about the game of chess. In the game of chess The Queen is the most powerful piece. “The Queen can can move in any one straight direction – forward, backward, sideways, or diagonally. The Queen can go as far as possible across the board long as she does not move through any of her own pieces. And, if the queen captures an opponent’s piece her move is over.” Practice playing chess here:
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Love Like You Are Playing To Win
1. A Queen must be a SMART woman. Every single business uses SMART goals (the acronym means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound) . In moving forward to an outcome of having a real and exclusive relationship with man is essentially like becoming a business partner. You need to be very specific about what you want. You have to see the evidence of effort made. You must acknowledge if you are in the right frame of mind to give a partner the attention or respect they deserve. How much of your time are you willing to give? What is your cut-off date? How many years of your life will you invest in a partner who selfishly wastes your time?
2. A Queen can move backwards. YOUR HIGHNESS, You have the authority to review the status of your relationship and terminate it if it compromises your integrity. Your partner does not complete you. You were an entire person when you met him you will be complete if he decides to leave or you decide to kick him to the curb.
3. Take it there! The Queen can move ALL ACROSS the board as long as long as you don’t move through any of your own pieces. Meaning, what you made for yourself before the relationship is yours. What you help him make during the relationship is 50% yours. What you make after your relationship ends is 100 % yours. Men are hard wired to provide. If you meet a man who does not want to spend not one thin dime, not one red cent, is NOT worth your time, energy, tears, sex, massages, hot meals, washed /ironed clothes, cleaning up of his personal space AT ALL. Unless you are the WIFE with a marriage license issued by your local government that is searchable through public record, you should NOT, I repeat NOT Give him husband benefits. He will NEVER marry you, publicly claim you, nor treat you like his woman if you allow him to disrespect you and serve your intimacy on a garbage can lid. A man wants a woman he can brag about and show off, afford nice things for, and feel valued by. Let that man BE A MAN.
4. A Queen may move diagonally. Make diagonal moves on the chess board. Date men that possess your preferences. See how you feel when you spend time with him. Having sex with multiple men isn’t what I suggest. I do suggest that you meet new people and date without letting sex cloud your good judgement. Just know that God WILL NOT send you someone else’s husband, ever. Don’t fall for the lies. Public record contains information regarding children (child support liens) and spouses(past and present). A man that does not take care of his children, or thoroughly and consistently mistreats the women and children in his life WILL NOT CHANGE FOR YOU.
If he decides to become a better man that transformation is between him and God. You are not responsible for rehabilitating a man to make him “ready” for you.
A Queen does NOT participate in the following activities: prolonged abusive discussions of any kind or especially about an ex from his past, beg FOR ANYTHING (ie. time, money, gifts, food, sex, respect, meeting his family, communication, friendship, love), nor does she show off a non-committed relationship and/or post on social media every single nuance of her relationship with her man. Keep your pillow talk in the bed along with everything else you do in bed. Describing the sexual prowess of your mate rises his stock, socially. If you say it’s good and your single friends are sold on his talents because of your big mouth; you best believe somebody will try it. You may have a lovely circle of great friends who will never intentionally hurt you but, then again…maybe you don’t. Act accordingly.
A Queen does participate in the following activities: loving herself first and best, encouraging her man to develop his skill sets (getting a high school diploma, a college education, completing an apprenticeship, obtaining a professional license, completing a business plan, developing networking opportunities, succeeding in building something, repairing something), and by showing him you trust and believe in him.
We are in a state of crisis: our men and children are being murdered in cold blood right now in front of us, on film, every single say. What this world needs right now is more love. We need to recognize our own greatness and ability to develop strong, lasting, respectful relationships and thriving families. Finally, if you are fortunate enough to be with a man treats you like a Queen, act accordingly, reciprocate (treat him like a King), and don’t ever take it for granted.
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