I am inspired by a quote I read yesterday. Rev Run posted this as his Facebook status, “Ladies::U can always tell if some1 is passionate about u.. The proof of passion is pursuit”. We have been conditioned to believe that as modern women we must take an aggressive role in the courtship dance. It appears that popular culture instructs modern women to chase after the man they want! It is suggested that we must approach the man we want, ask him out on and pay for the date. Additionally, it seems we may have to accept that the man we have chosen to share our bodies with may be in two or three other physical relationships with other women (and possibly even men) simultaneously, and we must work harder to keep his interest if we don’t want to be alone. There is information that suggests that we should accept that men have many choices in regard to dating, they don’t necessarily take every date seriously, and we should not take dating seriously either-we should behave like “men”!
Today’s women are bombarded with blogs, self-help books, articles, television programs, church sermons, songs, videos, and conversations with friends and family about what we must do to catch and keep a mate. The suggestions are laughable. I have read where one woman has done scholarly research to conclude that some African-American churches prevent African-American women from being in healthy “pre-marital” relationships. I have read articles about the treacherous single black female who seeks partnership by stealing away some poor woman’s man. I have seen an episode of 20/20 where comedian, Steve Harvey, “enlightens” single black women about their behavior before, during, and after courtship. While these entries provide interesting perspectives, they are not the last word in what a woman must do, think, or feel when selecting a partner. I’m laughing!
Author and radio host, Michael Baisden, discusses frequently as a topic on his daily show;that black women are not the only women who are having difficulty selecting and keeping mates. White and Latina women are struggling as well. There is a preponderance of sexist selfishness that is evidenced in modern dating. The roles of men and women have been reversed, skewed, and blurred by economic factors. When asked, some men are quite vocal about their availability of options and what those women are willing to do to keep them. Some men relish the idea of having women fawn over them, approach them, pamper them with gifts and baubles, pay their bills for them, and basically treat them as a dependent, not as a partner. That brings me great pause. Regardless if a woman makes more money than a man, owns property, has significant savings, and/or is self-sufficient; she still deserves to be respected and treated like a woman. The same is true for a woman on public assistance. A woman, wealthy or economically disadvantaged, should not be excluded from the practice of proper passionate pursuit.
Men, wealthy or economically disadvantaged, know what they like and what they want. It is in a man’s nature to hunt and gather. A man will pursue, with vigor anything that he truly desires because he wants to be able to present his prize to the world. Hence, moose heads hanging on a wall and a stuffed grizzly bear mounted and standing in the living room.
I have witnessed and experienced the behavior of a truly interested man in pursuit of what he wants. The behaviors are as follows:
1. He calls you (not texts) to ask you on a date.
2. He wants you to believe he is worth YOUR time.
3. He will offer to pick you up and is genuinely concerned about your safety.
4. He would like to expose you to new things and nice places.
5. He wants to be seen in public with you and wants the world to know he won time with you.
6. He wants to pay for a movie, dinner, a concert ticket, a vacation, or whatever your heart desires because, after all, you are his prize.
7. If he still considers you to be a prize, he will continue to call you and ask you to be seen in public with him.
8. He will be respectful and appreciative of your time.
9. His intentions will be clear.
10. He will want the world to see that he is capable of maintaining a relationship with a prize of a woman such as yourself.
Finally, ladies (of all racial and ethnic backgrounds) stop falling for the sexist propaganda that suggests that as a woman, who is financially solvent, educated, and still single that you are unworthy of proper passionate pursuit. If he is not putting forth the effort to make you feel like you are the woman that he wants then do not waste your precious time.